It's Only A Paper Rose

Yesterday was World MS Day. I meant to post about it—this ride I'm training for is raising money for MS research and treatment, after all—but I found myself at something of a loss. I've never lived with MS (or any major chronic illness), never had to deal with the regular doctors' visits and scans and constant threat of a flareup around the corner.

What am familiar with, however, is wonky blood sugar. It’s a family trait, and one that basically guarantees that I have to eat a healthy diet of whole grains and proteins—if I don’t, I very quickly become nonfunctional, up to the point of passing out if I’m especially careless. Usually I manage fine by being careful to eat regularly and healthfully. But every once in a while something goes awry, and especially when I'm in the midst of training and running a calorie deficit, that margin for error is just not there.

Last week I got caught up in a project and missed lunch; after a half-hour of fighting the wind on my bike on the way to work, I reached my destination and discovered my keys were missing. Cue a minor freakout and some scrambling; luckily everything worked out, although the yoga class I taught that afternoon was unfortunately subpar (no surprise, as I had no focus). I got some food in gulps here and there, and by the time I was ready to head home, I finally felt more like myself.

Which was when I found that my keys had been in a different pocket of my bike bag all along.

Health is a tricky thing. We think of ourselves as unchanging, immutable beings, but the truth is, our capabilities are at the mercy of so many physical factors that may or may not be within our control. I think that’s one of the reasons I’m happy to be raising money for this cause—in supporting research for new treatments and cures, in helping affected people gain access to treatment, we’re helping a whole bunch of people reclaim their abilities and lives.

(Would you like to join us? If you have an afternoon latte you're willing to skip, you can donate $5 at my link here. Just don’t skip lunch. ;)

As usual, spring feels like it comes about three weeks late to Chicago, but it's finally come—there are no days in the upcoming forecast where the weather's dipping below freezing, and in fact it's supposed to get up to 70 (albeit cloudy and windy) next week. More to the point, yesterday was the first day where the weather was nice enough, long enough, for me to take Gabriel up to Sauganash for my Monday commute. I was a little concerned about being out of shape; it's about five and a half miles each way, depending on the route you take. But I've been going to Sculpt semi-regularly (which always includes a good cardio section) and also biking to and from Lincoln Square (between 1.5 and 2 miles each way) regularly, so it wasn't anywhere near as much of a strain as I was concerned. It probably also helped that I was careful to actually eat enough calories; Brian pointed out that maybe part of the reason I was so tired all the time last summer was that I get so busy running from engagement to engagement that I forget to eat. (I'd still eat at mealtimes, usually, but I have trouble downing huge portions at once; I'm more of a grazer.) So I was careful to make sure I got enough food...and aided in that goal by Breanne (the studio manager) bringing in chocolate cupcakes that were bigger than my fist. The fact that I demolished about two-thirds of one with lunch, and still ended up under my calorie budget, gives you an idea of how much I was moving yesterday, haha.

My evening C2 was particularly interesting. I had a student walk in fairly early; I went to sign him in...and his name came up as "Chris Evans". He was not the Captain America Chris Evans, but of course I had to take a second look. When he caught me looking, I made some dumb joke about "You're a little smaller in person,"; he dutifully laughed and headed to the locker rooms, and my desk shift partner and I chatted a bit about various celebrity sightings we've heard about in the yoga community. Then he comes back, asks some minor question, and when I give him an answer, thanks me and flashes a truly megawatt smile—like, I'm pretty sure he practices in the mirror—before heading into the studio. My colleague and I sort of sat there, stunned for a moment, until I commented, "Well, *now* he's as good-looking as Captain America." Alas, he lives downtown and was only in the area for a work event, so I'm unlikely to see him again, but dang.

Needless to say, I was particularly pleased that my class came out extra well—not that it was perfect (no class ever is), but it was the second week doing this sequence, so I already had a good toolbox of cues, I could see people improving throughout the class (always a sign you're teaching well), and I'm particularly pleased with my theme this week and felt I wove it in solidly without hammering on it too hard. Honestly, I think it was one of the best C2 classes I've ever taught; it's amazing what wanting to impress an attractive audience member does for one's inspiration.

In weirder news, I have literally not read anything book-wise this week. Some of this has been the aforementioned cycles being taken up by house-hunting (it's a surprisingly emotionally-intensive activity, especially when you have a partner and you're having to negotiate your respective needs), but also, the time I normally spend reading has actually been taken up by writing. For the first time in a long while, I have an idea in my head that won't let go, despite being emotionally murky and requiring multiple rewrites—usually I lose interest after a week or so if I haven't found the clear arc. My brain is still convinced there's something good there, though, so I'm keeping at it...so this is basically an apology for not having a Wednesday book post tomorrow. I promise I'm not turning into one of those "I want to be a writer but I just don't have time to read" people, heh.

Given that it's been somewhat in the spotlight of late, it's maybe not surprising that I tend to ruminate a lot on research on how much of human behavior is shaped by our environment. This is far from a new question, as the nature vs. nurture debate is recorded all the way back to ancient Greece and likely goes back even further than that, but it's particularly interesting in American culture specifically because we have so much investment in the cultural myth of rugged individualism. Like most cultural myths, this has both positive connotations ("You can achieve anything with hard work and persistence!") and negative ones ("...so if you're poor it must be because you're lazy and refuse to work, it can't possibly be because the system's stacked against you in some way"); either way, neither are quite true, and there's an increasing amount of research lately on how human behavior en masse is far more influenced by systematic incentives than we like to admit.

To zoom in from the bigger picture for a moment, this has been playing out in my own life in an interesting way the past few months. Y'all might remember that I was particularly proud last summer of how much I'd been traveling by bicycle, including a ten-plus-mile roundtrip commute a couple of times a week. Not only was it healthier for me than driving as well as cheaper and more convenient than transit, it was also more eco-friendly, all variables that I care about significantly. As winter rolled around, there were definitely times I was more likely to drive (through some trial and error I've discovered that below-freezing temperatures just aren't worth it to bike through, even if the roads are clear), though sometimes I would take transit instead as a convenient middle ground.

Then, a couple of months ago, Brian and I had our bikes stolen. This sucked, especially as the police do very little other than file the report when you call it in; they've got bigger fish to fry. Luckily, we had insurance and documentation; I filed a claim for the bikes and equipment and they paid out with very little trouble. However, since they no longer make the models Brian and I had before, purchasing a new bike involves some effort in terms of traveling to shops and test-riding different models; due to our somewhat crazy schedules and the time of year, it's been difficult to find time where we're not busy and the weather is cycling-friendly.

Unsurprisingly, this has changed my incentive calculus significantly. Technically I still have a bike, but in addition to needing maintenance, my old beater is too small for me and gives me knee pain, making it distinctly unfun to ride long distances. And since we were riding our bikes so much last summer, I canceled Brian's and my monthly transit passes, saving us $200 a month but also creating an additional disincentive to use transit rather than drive—transit is already less convenient due to the time involved and potential delays, and now that it costs $5 extra for each round trip I'm more likely to just use the car I'm already paying for (unless we're going somewhere like downtown where parking is difficult). Needless to say, I've been driving a lot more over the past couple of months...something I'm not terribly pleased about, but given that transit is more expensive, more annoying, and sometimes unavailable for my commutes, it's the least worst answer personally. The most damning part of it all: it's also the worst possible outcome for the greatest number of people (since I'm contributing much more carbon to the atmosphere), but the surrounding culture is structured in such a way that it's easy to rationalize.

It's situations like this that make me wonder if we're even going to be able to tackle systemic issues like overcrowding and climate change in the future—if we're already this invested in infrastructure for one system, how can we transition to a different one? One friend of mine, an anti-car Nazi (his description), proposes radical structural changes like banning cars from city centers or removing their privileged status on roads, thus slowing traffic and incentivizing the construction of transit, but I doubt such top-down measures are likely to find consensus when they'd greatly inconvenience so many people in the interim. How do we get to the point where the incentives change when we can't be bothered to deal with a little personal inconvenience?

It's been thirteen months, hundreds of miles, a few traffic near-misses, and a slightly embarrassing amount spent on accessories, repairs, and eventually a new bike, but I'm beginning to feel like a seasoned urban cyclist. I bike so much (and Brian works from home so much) that, for the first time since we moved here, I've given up our monthly transit pass subscriptions; it makes more sense now to pay as we go, or nab Brian a weekly pass if he's got an on-site job.

My unstated, very-unofficial goal for the spring/summer/fall has been to only use the car for trips involving at least two people. With the notable exception of my once-or-twice monthly Costco/Trader Joe's stock-up trips (I have yet to figure out how to load a pallet of toilet paper onto a bike), this has been surprisingly doable. Especially in a crowded city, biking is often faster than driving for short distances; it may not be quite as fast for longer ones, but that's balanced out by not having to search/pay for parking at the end. (The one exception currently on my regular schedule is the Sauganash studio, which is a fifteen-minute drive with a free parking lot at the end, versus a 25-30 minute ride. But that's balanced out somewhat by being a far more pleasant commute by bike, as well as getting to eat All The Calories afterward.) There's definitely been an adjustment curve with my physical condition, but I feel like I'm largely over the hump, even if my hip and glute muscles might not agree, heh.

All of which is to say, biking is feeling less like a novelty and more like a lifestyle change. I'm...torn on saying whether I'd consider it part of my identity; there's a lot of aspects of the urban-biker subculture I either don't fit into or am less than enthused with (I have zero desire to do triathlons or multi-city tours; I bike largely for commuting/eating purposes rather than recreation; I try not to look down on people who primarily drive, not all of us are able-bodied enough to pedal everywhere). But I think it is, to a degree; I like who I am better when I'm biking most places.

I'm not sure how this coming winter is going to shape up. Last year I put my bike away in late November when the temperature was regularly dropping below freezing; there was more than one period over the winter, however, when the mercury rose and I regretted not having it handy. I think I might try leaving it out this year and seeing how often I can ride it. I am nowhere near hardcore enough to ride in snow, but if the roads are clear and I have enough layers I don't see why colder temperatures have to be a barrier. I suppose a lot will depend on the weather.

In more fun news, I've been combing through Redbubble looking for stickers to decorate my new bike - hence the reflections on biking culture and where I fit (or don't) in it. Still, even with the hardcore athlete/snooty stickers discounted, there are some good candidates, even if my all-time favorite is untrue for me on every level, haha. I like the colors in this one, and the fanciful vintage air of this one; this one has a nice minimalist feel to it as well as being a good shape for a crossbar. This one probably gets the award for most accurate/most likely to be purchased, possibly with this one as a complement; also, it's nice to see an actively non-snooty message in a bike-oriented sticker.

How about you? Are there any subcultures you probably fit in but are hesitant to actively jump into?
Have you ever tried something new and discovered you hadn't even realized it was part of who you wanted to be? Seen any great bike stickers lately? Let's discuss!

Hello again, Chicago! It's good to be back. I was saying to Brian recently that my semi-regular trips home to Anchorage, over the years, have been an excellent indicator of how much I like where I'm living. When we lived in Juneau, it was nice to get somewhere that felt (slightly) less isolated; when I was coming from Arizona, it was such a relief to get out of the heat and see green and open water again. Now, as much as I like visiting my mother, I'm genuinely sorry that it has to come at the expense of a week-plus of things to do in Chicago, hah. But! My mother is all moved in to her new place (if still in the throes of her decorating frenzy), and it's even more gorgeous than the pictures made it look. It's not somewhere I'd want to live permanently - far too isolated, with nothing within walking distance - but it'll be nice to visit her now and then for a change of pace. (Luckily, she feels much the same way about Chicago. Hurrah for complementary family preferences!)

Speaking of things to do in Chicago, last night I some friends and I went to the first of this summer's movies In Millennium Park. (We brought a picnic dinner, but despite arriving almost an hour early, the entire lawn was taken, so we ended up grabbing seats and just passing the fried chicken and salad and wine back and forth.) I actually enjoyed the movie far more than I expected to. Ferris Bueller's Day Off isn't a favorite of mine, exactly - I always found Ferris to be kind of a twerp, which isn't helped by his complete lack of character arc - but there's something undeniably special about getting to see all those gorgeous shots of Chicago while surrounded by that very same skyline and a cheering crowd. The best part, by far, was when damn near the entire pavilion got up and danced and sang to the "Twist & Shout" sequence. (I was lamenting on Facebook that I didn't get any pictures/video, but...that would have meant I'd have to stop dancing and singing. Nah.) Afterward, Lindsay got a picture of Brian and Jamila and me under the Pritzker's frankly amazing architecture, and later on in the evening I got a nice shot of part of the nighttime skyline as seen through the superstructure. This city is far from perfect, but I do love the very real sense of civic pride we have.

Speaking of civic pride, I've gotten on the sucker list for the Lyric Opera's educational outreach programs, and I've got to give their phone fundraisers credit - they know their stuff. They always ask if now's a good time to talk, they're unfailingly gracious, they ask you about your recent experience at whatever performance, talk about the goals and achievements of their programs, and start with an aspirational sell - "These are all the awesome thank-you gifts you get if you donate at this level" - but never come off as less than wholeheartedly grateful if you offer a (sometimes much) smaller donation. I think what's really impressed me, though, is their enthusiasm; they don't come off as hired telemarketers, but people who are genuinely passionate about music and opera and want to share it with the community. Helping give kids in underfunded schools in my community access to art and music education is a pretty easy sell for me already, but way to make people feel good about giving, Lyric. A++ would donate again.

And speaking of...hrmm. Not sure how I can segue into something about biking from opera fundraising. But! I've got my bike all kitted out for pedaling around Chicago. (Bet y'all can't guess what I named it, heh.) I'm still taking baby steps regarding where and how much traffic I'm comfortable dealing with, but as I was telling my mother, I actually feel far safer on the streets in Chicago than I would in someplace suburban like Anchorage. For one thing, the exponential traffic density and unpredictable patterns mean that people are paying much closer attention to the road, as well as by necessity limiting their speed. Plus people here are much more used to cyclists on the road. In Anchorage traffic moves too quickly; you have to ride either on the shoulder, the sidewalk, or a bike path, and cars don't look for you. I nearly got run over a few times crossing streets as a teenager; while driving my mother's car just a few days ago, I was a little saddened to see a woman on a bike slam on her brakes when she saw me about to cross her path to turn into a parking lot. (I would have let her go first!...but you just can't depend on that attitude in suburban environments.) By comparison, I took a fairly busy road to the store during rush hour yesterday, and actually made better time than most of the cars by dint of being able to cruise by in the gap between the parked cars and the flow of traffic. Though I did keep a very close eye out for car doors that might open in my path.