New career nerves

[missroserose]

Today I start my new job! I'm slightly apprehensive about it, more so than is really justified. I mean, I've worked there before (student clinic is basically an internship), so I know the procedures; I know where everything is, I know the place is well-run by high-functioning and ethical people that I like. I've even heard through the grapevine that clients have been asking after me (although we'll see if they book with me now that I'm a professional and command twice the hourly rate, heh). And I genuinely like and am good at the work. So there's no reason to be concerned.

And yet I can't help feeling just a bit anxious, more so even than the usual "starting a new venture" nerves. Now that I think about it, I wonder if it's the very perfect-seeming-ness of the position that's contributing. I mean, if this were just another office job, it'd be...well, just another office job. I've never really self-identified as "secretary" even when I was doing it full-time; it was always a stepping-stone. (I was rarely certain what it was a stepping-stone to, but I knew I wasn't going to be a secretary my whole life.) "Massage therapist" maybe wasn't my first choice on the list ten years ago, but it's been a bit of a revelation; I don't have the mental blocks about it that I do about music and writing and acting, so I can do it wholeheartedly and with clear intentions; a particular joy I've rarely experienced before and never in a career-type context.

So starting to do it as a career is a little scary. Not because I'm worried I'll fail, really, but because I'm concerned I'll lose that joy. (The phenomenon of people losing former enjoyment in an activity they're being paid to do is a well-documented bit of human nature - something in how our brains are wired seems to think we only need one reason to engage in any particular activity, and "money" replaces "genuine enjoyment" dispiritingly easily.) And because I identify so strongly with this work, if I stop enjoying it, or if some other aspect of it doesn't work out, it's a much bigger part of my identity that I'm having to reshape.

I think my challenge is going to be twofold: more immediately, figuring out how to stay focused on doing my best work in the moment; and more overarchingly, figuring out how to stay engaged and fulfilled in the field, even during the inevitable plateaus. I strongly suspect "continuing to learn new tricks and techniques" is going to be a big part of that second one; despite it being a little premature as yet, I've been eyeing local physical therapy education programs. But I don't have to worry about that now; I can take this one day at a time. So...onward!

Comments

[cyrano]

Sometimes I wonder if you don't think a little too much. *hug* I hope today goes well.

[missroserose]

Brian said much the same thing. :) But it's helpful to me, when I'm having an emotional reaction, to have everything untangled and laid out in my head.

[cyrano]

Brian is sage and scrutable.
And if it works, who am I to knock it.

[vatine]

For me (completely different career, admittedly), I've been in my approximate line of business for about 25 years now, and it's really only been in the last 4-5 years I haven't had sheer joy doing it at home. That mostly due to having been sufficiently engrossed in it during working hours that I essentially got my fill there, so no need to poke around during my time off.

Still haven't stopped wanting to do it, but part of the current work-life change is, I think, in a very small part, motivated by a wish to get to a point where I can consider doing it as a hobby as well.

[vatine]

And, because it seems to have never made it from my brain, through the keyboard...

I am perfectly sure you will be all right. Your relation to massage therapy will inevitably change over time, but change isn't (in and of itself) a bad thing. It is possible, though I suspect unlikely, that you will lose the joy, but it will probably change from the first bloom of glee, to a deeper, quieter, more rooted joy.

[missroserose]

Not unlike joy/love in interpersonal relationships. :) I suspect you're right. Thank you for the reassurance.

I hope your new job is going well!

[vatine]

I shall know more in two weeks (this week, half of next week at current gig, Thu-Sun off, then starting at new place October 5th).

[missroserose]

Oh ah! Then I look forward to hearing about it.

[vatine]

A lovely combination of a strict policy of not jumping before I have somewhere to land, combined with getting the offer while I was at the airport before CrazyTravel (technically, I guess I could've handed my notice in via proxy, but it is one of those things that I feel behoves doing in person).

[jamesd]

Congratulations! One day at a time, once customer at a time. I lasted in my current job for around nine years before I encountered someone who did significant harm to my enjoyment of it. You may be as or more fortunate, particularly if it's a customer you can "fire".

I'm sure that you'll have many happy endings to your sessions. Of the ethically correct type. :)

[missroserose]

Haha, hopefully so. :) Thanks! The "one customer at a time" approach is working well so far.

It's a Career!

[faith_in_the_journey]

Career happiness often requires enough challenges to keep things interesting and enough joy to keep you happy to get up and go to work each day. A career is different than a job - a career is generally self chosen, self motivated and you do it because you want to, love it, really can't NOT do it! Over nearly 27 years of practicing law I've discovered that the people you work with and the mission of the group make all the difference. You already have that going for you, right from the get go. But remember not to be afraid to branch out, move in a new direction within this career choice and to find sometimes a second career that balances this one (as I have done with my professional art career that balances the practice of law, so beautifully). In the end the goal is "A beautiful life" with balance, grace, fun, service, color, challenge, growth and hope for the future.