A moment of self-examination

[missroserose]

This morning, while getting ready to go buy Brian​ some shirts at the Lincoln Park Nordstrom Rack, I made a joke about how I needed to make certain my hair looked nice and my accessories all matched, because Lincoln Park is where the rich yuppies with impeccable hair and designer outfits all snoot at you if you don't look perfectly put-together.

Today, while at the Lincoln Park Nordstrom Rack, Brian found (and bought) me a Michael Kors jacket that I loved because it looked amazing. And matched perfectly with my Tumi sunglasses...and Coach handbag...and carefully colored and blow-dried hair.

It's interesting how we're the most judgmental towards the people we're the most afraid that we'll become.

Comments

[cyrano]

You weren't snooting at anybody. And you're in a position now to let yourself look the way you want. There's nothing wrong with that. (: Chicago's changed you, but not that much.

[missroserose]

It's not that I feel that I'm snooting, exactly. More that...I'll be perceived that way, because of how I look. Because for so much of my life, I was on the fringes of the wealthy-white-trendy-fashionable group, and for a good chunk of that, I was actively disparaged, shamed, and rejected by that group. So I rejected its standards wholesale as a means of self-protection; if I disparaged them first, it hurt less if they disparaged me.

But the fact is, I enjoy fashion, and makeup, and hair, and generally looking put-together. So in much the same way a stripper will insist that she's not in the sex industry, she's in showbiz, it becomes that much more important to me to differentiate between myself and The Undesirable. Oh, but my handbag was a gift, I got the jacket on sale, I'm dyeing my hair because I like it, not because it's trendy; certainly I don't judge anyone for their clothing choices. Which, of course, is entirely hypocritical and disingenuous, because it's perfectly possible that that's true of all the people I've unconsciously categorized as "snooty rich jerks", as well.

[cyrano]

Some days I realise how lucky I was to find a group in high school that never felt like it was waiting to stab me in the back. I don't know if I'll ever truly understand the magnitude of my fortune.

And now you're finally getting to enjoy it. Even if it does cost money and consideration and effort and... doubt, I guess. Uncertainty. I don't claim to understand it, and luckily I'm a guy and really don't have to (thank you very much society), but I have seen you change, and it makes me feel warm inside. And I love your hair. It's very you. (Even if some day I'd love to see you all Veronica Lake.)