A somewhat hodge-podge entry...
Nov. 26th, 2003 01:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseVarious things to talk about today, so this might end up being a rather longish entry. Then again, it might not. I guess we'll see.
To get the emotional stuff out of the way first - things are going much better in some ways. I finally got a definitive "no" from Ian, which I don't blame him at all for, considering some of the shit I've pulled over the last few months...I'm not saying it didn't hurt like hell, but at least things on that end have been resolved. I hope. Yes, feeling like you're losing two years of your life really sucks. But at the same time, when you can't seem to get motivated at the same time as the other person, perhaps it's best if the two of you go seperate ways.
On the other hand, Ryan's been incredibly patient with me over the last few weeks - facing a "no-sex-for-a-couple-of-weeks" coupled with a "I-might-be-going-back-to-my-ex-afterwards" that gracefully is a feat that few guys I've known could accomplish. (Mass props to you, Ryan.) And he's still willing to pursue things, should I wish to. At the very least, we're back to spending a lot of time together, partially to catch up and partially because I want to give Ian some space. I do love the guy, and while we're both avoiding commitment at the moment for our own reasons, neither of us are ruling out a possible long-term thing. Things are very much up in the air at the moment.
Which brings me to the next question that's currently up for debate - where am I going to be living next semester? I do have the option of staying where I am, but unfortunately there's the whole "sharing house with ex" thing that's really not cool. I don't know what his feelings are on the issue, but I don't want to be angsting about any future relationships Ian's going to be cultivating, be they with his elfchick or anyone else. Or more precisely, if I'm going to be angsting about them, I'd rather not be doing so in his/their presence.
Therefore, if I want to stay in Juneau, I'm going to have to either find another apartment, or move in with Ryan. My other option that's currently feasible is going to Fairbanks, and finding someplace to stay there, either in the dorms or in an apartment.
Staying in Juneau would be nice - I'm enjoying the warmer, wetter weather as well as the proximity to the ocean. I'm also (slowly) making friends here, and of course there's Ryan to think about. He's offered to let me move in with him, which might well be fun, but I'm not sure if it's financially feasible - he lives 30 miles out from town, so I'd have to get a car (and my license!) and find some way to pay for insurance and gas in addition to whatever rent we worked out. Or I could try to find someone to room with...I've been checking the paper and while there are a few options, I haven't found anything better than $400 a month, which is $50 more than I'm paying now. Bloody expensive real estate.
On the other hand, moving back to Fairbanks for a semester might not be so bad. I do have quite a few friends there that I've missed, and there's a much wider selection of courses at the University. Of course, that'd mean (again) finding someone to stay with or else putting up with another semester of dorm food (blech!), but it's something to think about. I'm going to have to call my mother tomorrow and talk to her about all this.
{Edit: Oil development rant cut for personal reasons. Will possibly redo later.}
On a more personal note, I'm going to eat an early Thanksgiving dinner with Ryan's family this afternoon after class (they called him a couple of weeks ago and asked that he attend and "strongly suggested" that he bring me along. I'm not sure if I'm flattered or not.) I'm pretty much relying on them to provide any traditional turkey-and-stuffing-and-yams, since I'm rather far from most of my family, a rather lousy cook myself (my holiday meals are pretty much limited to corned beef and boiled vegetables on St. Patrick's Day), and none of my roommates appear to be interested in cooking. As for the company, while I'm sure I'll be able to enjoy myself, I'm a bit curious about Ryan's family in general.
See, Ryan (as I think I've mentioned) is a liberal, bisexual, occasionally cross-dressing, passionate, artistic, adventurous, and generally interesting guy. His family, well...isn't. Not none of that. Not nohow. Don't get me wrong, they're nice enough people, but compared to my family/upbringing (very Irish, if you have something to say, say it and be ready to defend your position when everyone else tackles you), they seem like a bunch of, well, zombies...keep quiet if you don't agree with the group, keep discussions to concrete subjects that can be proven/disproven with facts, don't cause excessive conflict, don't get excited about things, etc. They remind me of the guy's parents in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I'm not saying that this is a bad way to live, but what I don't get is...WTF happened? Where the heck did Ryan come from? If it weren't for the fact that he looks a lot like his parents, I'd be constantly waiting for the call to come from his birth mother...
And the really ironic thing is, they all seem to love me. I think they're counting on me to get him to settle down and get a decent job and eventually get married and generally become respectable. *resists the urge to laugh hysterically* Ah, well.
Final plus: Four day weekend coming up. Final minus: I have an 8 to 10 page Psych term paper to write, and a 3 to 5 minute speech to both write and practice this weekend. Not to mention whatever reading and stuff I need to catch up on. So much for Thanksgiving "vacation."
And that's all for now, folks. If you've stuck through this far, I'm not sure whether to congratulate you for your stamina or pity you for your obvious lack of a life. =)
@->--Rose
To get the emotional stuff out of the way first - things are going much better in some ways. I finally got a definitive "no" from Ian, which I don't blame him at all for, considering some of the shit I've pulled over the last few months...I'm not saying it didn't hurt like hell, but at least things on that end have been resolved. I hope. Yes, feeling like you're losing two years of your life really sucks. But at the same time, when you can't seem to get motivated at the same time as the other person, perhaps it's best if the two of you go seperate ways.
On the other hand, Ryan's been incredibly patient with me over the last few weeks - facing a "no-sex-for-a-couple-of-weeks" coupled with a "I-might-be-going-back-to-my-ex-afterwards" that gracefully is a feat that few guys I've known could accomplish. (Mass props to you, Ryan.) And he's still willing to pursue things, should I wish to. At the very least, we're back to spending a lot of time together, partially to catch up and partially because I want to give Ian some space. I do love the guy, and while we're both avoiding commitment at the moment for our own reasons, neither of us are ruling out a possible long-term thing. Things are very much up in the air at the moment.
Which brings me to the next question that's currently up for debate - where am I going to be living next semester? I do have the option of staying where I am, but unfortunately there's the whole "sharing house with ex" thing that's really not cool. I don't know what his feelings are on the issue, but I don't want to be angsting about any future relationships Ian's going to be cultivating, be they with his elfchick or anyone else. Or more precisely, if I'm going to be angsting about them, I'd rather not be doing so in his/their presence.
Therefore, if I want to stay in Juneau, I'm going to have to either find another apartment, or move in with Ryan. My other option that's currently feasible is going to Fairbanks, and finding someplace to stay there, either in the dorms or in an apartment.
Staying in Juneau would be nice - I'm enjoying the warmer, wetter weather as well as the proximity to the ocean. I'm also (slowly) making friends here, and of course there's Ryan to think about. He's offered to let me move in with him, which might well be fun, but I'm not sure if it's financially feasible - he lives 30 miles out from town, so I'd have to get a car (and my license!) and find some way to pay for insurance and gas in addition to whatever rent we worked out. Or I could try to find someone to room with...I've been checking the paper and while there are a few options, I haven't found anything better than $400 a month, which is $50 more than I'm paying now. Bloody expensive real estate.
On the other hand, moving back to Fairbanks for a semester might not be so bad. I do have quite a few friends there that I've missed, and there's a much wider selection of courses at the University. Of course, that'd mean (again) finding someone to stay with or else putting up with another semester of dorm food (blech!), but it's something to think about. I'm going to have to call my mother tomorrow and talk to her about all this.
{Edit: Oil development rant cut for personal reasons. Will possibly redo later.}
On a more personal note, I'm going to eat an early Thanksgiving dinner with Ryan's family this afternoon after class (they called him a couple of weeks ago and asked that he attend and "strongly suggested" that he bring me along. I'm not sure if I'm flattered or not.) I'm pretty much relying on them to provide any traditional turkey-and-stuffing-and-yams, since I'm rather far from most of my family, a rather lousy cook myself (my holiday meals are pretty much limited to corned beef and boiled vegetables on St. Patrick's Day), and none of my roommates appear to be interested in cooking. As for the company, while I'm sure I'll be able to enjoy myself, I'm a bit curious about Ryan's family in general.
See, Ryan (as I think I've mentioned) is a liberal, bisexual, occasionally cross-dressing, passionate, artistic, adventurous, and generally interesting guy. His family, well...isn't. Not none of that. Not nohow. Don't get me wrong, they're nice enough people, but compared to my family/upbringing (very Irish, if you have something to say, say it and be ready to defend your position when everyone else tackles you), they seem like a bunch of, well, zombies...keep quiet if you don't agree with the group, keep discussions to concrete subjects that can be proven/disproven with facts, don't cause excessive conflict, don't get excited about things, etc. They remind me of the guy's parents in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I'm not saying that this is a bad way to live, but what I don't get is...WTF happened? Where the heck did Ryan come from? If it weren't for the fact that he looks a lot like his parents, I'd be constantly waiting for the call to come from his birth mother...
And the really ironic thing is, they all seem to love me. I think they're counting on me to get him to settle down and get a decent job and eventually get married and generally become respectable. *resists the urge to laugh hysterically* Ah, well.
Final plus: Four day weekend coming up. Final minus: I have an 8 to 10 page Psych term paper to write, and a 3 to 5 minute speech to both write and practice this weekend. Not to mention whatever reading and stuff I need to catch up on. So much for Thanksgiving "vacation."
And that's all for now, folks. If you've stuck through this far, I'm not sure whether to congratulate you for your stamina or pity you for your obvious lack of a life. =)
@->--Rose
