"Gender reveal party"? Huh?
Nov. 4th, 2013 02:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseSo apparently there's a trend out there* for "gender reveal parties". The idea being, when you go in for your ultrasound, you have the tech write the sex of the fetus on a card that goes in an envelope, and use said card (and the assistance of some poor harried retail worker) to blind-purchase and wrap up a pink or blue onesie/a box of pink or blue balloons/a cake with pink or blue frosting inside which you then open at a party in front of your guests. After, of course, playing goofy party games and having them vote for their 'preferred' gender.
I'm...honestly kind of dumbfounded at this. I mean, I guess I can see how it could be fun, but it just feels tacky to me. Thing is, this is a pretty unusual reaction for me - I'm not generally one to diss on other people's reasons for celebrating (usually whatever makes people happy is okay by me). So I'm trying to figure out why it is the idea grates on me so badly.
Some of it might be that "gender-reveal" is an inherent misnomer. "Gender" refers to how the person thinks of themselves, and the ensuing cultural implications (wearing dresses or makeup regularly, or which restroom they use, or whether they get married in a suit or a gown), whereas "sex" is the term for which set of chromosomes (and, usually, genitalia) you're born with. (I guess people thought "sex-reveal party" would give folks the wrong idea?) Obviously, someone's gender doesn't always match their biological sex, and ultimately they're going to need to figure that out for themselves.
But actually, that may be exactly the issue. Pretensions aside, this party idea isn't about the child, it's about the parents. And while I suppose that's logical enough (the kid hasn't even been born yet, much less achieved any kind of sentience), and while I'm certainly not one to propagate the idea that once the kids arrive the parents don't get to have their own lives anymore...reducing your child, even your child-in-potentia, to a card in an envelope, just for the purposes of a party trick? That feels pretty damn shallow. That child, if you're lucky, is going to grow into a whole person - not just a gender, and perhaps not even the gender you ascribe to them at birth. Admittedly, they're not a person now, and certainly won't be a fully-formed one for a good while, but they still will be far more - and hopefully, far more interesting - than whatever variant of genitalia they'll be keeping in their undergarments. Starting off your participation in their life with a whole party based around what's arguably the least interesting thing about them just feels...disrespectful of their (potential) person-hood.
What do you all think of the idea? Tacky or charming, or both? Why?
*According to Dear Prudence and Google, anyway. Thankfully, none of my friends have invited me to anything like this. Although, as one trend-column suggested, this may just mean that I have no friends.
I'm...honestly kind of dumbfounded at this. I mean, I guess I can see how it could be fun, but it just feels tacky to me. Thing is, this is a pretty unusual reaction for me - I'm not generally one to diss on other people's reasons for celebrating (usually whatever makes people happy is okay by me). So I'm trying to figure out why it is the idea grates on me so badly.
Some of it might be that "gender-reveal" is an inherent misnomer. "Gender" refers to how the person thinks of themselves, and the ensuing cultural implications (wearing dresses or makeup regularly, or which restroom they use, or whether they get married in a suit or a gown), whereas "sex" is the term for which set of chromosomes (and, usually, genitalia) you're born with. (I guess people thought "sex-reveal party" would give folks the wrong idea?) Obviously, someone's gender doesn't always match their biological sex, and ultimately they're going to need to figure that out for themselves.
But actually, that may be exactly the issue. Pretensions aside, this party idea isn't about the child, it's about the parents. And while I suppose that's logical enough (the kid hasn't even been born yet, much less achieved any kind of sentience), and while I'm certainly not one to propagate the idea that once the kids arrive the parents don't get to have their own lives anymore...reducing your child, even your child-in-potentia, to a card in an envelope, just for the purposes of a party trick? That feels pretty damn shallow. That child, if you're lucky, is going to grow into a whole person - not just a gender, and perhaps not even the gender you ascribe to them at birth. Admittedly, they're not a person now, and certainly won't be a fully-formed one for a good while, but they still will be far more - and hopefully, far more interesting - than whatever variant of genitalia they'll be keeping in their undergarments. Starting off your participation in their life with a whole party based around what's arguably the least interesting thing about them just feels...disrespectful of their (potential) person-hood.
What do you all think of the idea? Tacky or charming, or both? Why?
*According to Dear Prudence and Google, anyway. Thankfully, none of my friends have invited me to anything like this. Although, as one trend-column suggested, this may just mean that I have no friends.
no subject
Date: 2013-11-05 06:04 am (UTC)Yeah, it's tacky, but I think it's a symptom rather than the cause.
no subject
Date: 2013-11-05 03:02 pm (UTC)Symptom of what, exactly?
no subject
Date: 2013-11-06 07:21 am (UTC)A symptom of self-absorbed personalities, I think. It's not enough that we're having a baby and you should pay attention to us, it's also a mystery dinner theater extravaganza--like baby sweeps week, where our baby is way more interesting than those other babies because there's a shocking revelation, Al Capone's vault style, during the party.
Still more tacky than 'oh the humanity' though.
Gender Reveal
Date: 2013-11-05 06:03 pm (UTC)When you were in gestation ultrasound was a brand new technology and we expressly told the technician and the doctor that we did not wish to know your sex before you were born. Same with your brother (although we found out at the hospital a few hours before he was born as he was a C-section baby and it was, by then, quite obvious on the image used to make the final decision to proceed with surgery.
The mystery of gestation and birth, the bonding with your child before they are born are far too intimate and sacred to be reduced to a pink or blue onesie and a cake with purple frosting. I also have to say that both you and your brother were fully formed personalities way before you were born and figured out how to operate in incarnate form. That was really quite the most wonderful part about waiting for you to be born - getting to know you and love you so tremendously way before you arrived in that tiny body! We are far more than the body, that's for sure! - Your Mum who loved you well before day one
Re: Gender Reveal
Date: 2013-11-05 07:16 pm (UTC)I, for one, wanted to know the sex of the babies for two reasons, one practical and one emotional. I wanted to know the sex of the babies so that I could pick out names, which PJ and I had an extremely hard time agreeing upon, so narrowing it down to two instead of four was essential. And I also wanted to know the sex of the babies so that I wouldn't be disappointed on their birthday. I wanted boys. You see how well that worked out for me. I don't know why I wanted boys, and I realize how ridiculous that is, but at the time I couldn't help it. I'm so glad I found out ahead of time so that I had many months to get used to the idea of girls and so that I could be nothing but thrilled on the day they were born. (And for that reason, I would never have had a "gender reveal party". That needed to be a private moment for me.)
And of course, my kids turned into exactly the little people they were supposed to be.
L.
Re: Gender Reveal
Date: 2013-11-05 07:26 pm (UTC)Re: Gender Reveal
Date: 2013-11-06 03:00 pm (UTC)