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missroseroseReceived today in my "Other" Inbox on Facebook:
Hey, you probably don't even remember this, but when we were in Hanshew Middle school together, we got partnered up for a swing dance class for PE. I remember that the kids were pretty mean to you in middle school, and being a stupid, impressionable 13 year old, I refused to dance with you and walked away because I didn't want to get teased. It was really awful and I've felt bad about it for like 15 years now, and I wanted to apologize for it. Hope you've been doing well since high school, and sorry again.
The conventional narrative would seem to dictate that this be an emotional moment for me - finally, the evildoers realize their wrongs and beg forgiveness! - and if I were still 13, it almost certainly would be. But...honestly, while I'm certainly touched (and perhaps just a tad smug that he's felt bad about his behavior for fifteen years while I'd almost completely forgotten it), it doesn't really inspire much aside from a "Hunh. How about that."
Some of it is probably that, by the time the incident he describes would have taken place, I was getting more inured to the constant put-downs. I only vaguely recognize his name, and I think I remember who he was; if I'm correct, there was rather a lot more to his callousness than a single instance, but he was nowhere near the top of the list in terms of persistence or intensity. (And I may not even be remembering the right kid - recollection is a notoriously slippery beast.)
And (coming at it from a sociological standpoint), some of it is probably the effective reversal of our relative social currency, at least at first impression. He's not bad-looking, but (and bear in mind, this is based entirely on his Facebook profile picture and the one message he's sent me and I may be completely wrong) he doesn't look very happy or confident, and he's at a very common age in our generation to be feeling lost and wondering where he's going with his life. And in the meantime, I'm...well...me. Not perfect, by any means, but generally happy with myself and my life and pleased with where I seem to be going. (And I think my pictures reflect that.)
Still, it never hurts to be gracious. And I do appreciate the thought, and the principle - hurrah for someone being excellent to someone else, even if it is in retrospect. I just sort of wish I could transmit it back to my 13-year-old self - I think the hope it would give her would be of far more benefit than the knowledge is to me. Even if she had to wait sixteen years for its culmination.
Hey, you probably don't even remember this, but when we were in Hanshew Middle school together, we got partnered up for a swing dance class for PE. I remember that the kids were pretty mean to you in middle school, and being a stupid, impressionable 13 year old, I refused to dance with you and walked away because I didn't want to get teased. It was really awful and I've felt bad about it for like 15 years now, and I wanted to apologize for it. Hope you've been doing well since high school, and sorry again.
The conventional narrative would seem to dictate that this be an emotional moment for me - finally, the evildoers realize their wrongs and beg forgiveness! - and if I were still 13, it almost certainly would be. But...honestly, while I'm certainly touched (and perhaps just a tad smug that he's felt bad about his behavior for fifteen years while I'd almost completely forgotten it), it doesn't really inspire much aside from a "Hunh. How about that."
Some of it is probably that, by the time the incident he describes would have taken place, I was getting more inured to the constant put-downs. I only vaguely recognize his name, and I think I remember who he was; if I'm correct, there was rather a lot more to his callousness than a single instance, but he was nowhere near the top of the list in terms of persistence or intensity. (And I may not even be remembering the right kid - recollection is a notoriously slippery beast.)
And (coming at it from a sociological standpoint), some of it is probably the effective reversal of our relative social currency, at least at first impression. He's not bad-looking, but (and bear in mind, this is based entirely on his Facebook profile picture and the one message he's sent me and I may be completely wrong) he doesn't look very happy or confident, and he's at a very common age in our generation to be feeling lost and wondering where he's going with his life. And in the meantime, I'm...well...me. Not perfect, by any means, but generally happy with myself and my life and pleased with where I seem to be going. (And I think my pictures reflect that.)
Still, it never hurts to be gracious. And I do appreciate the thought, and the principle - hurrah for someone being excellent to someone else, even if it is in retrospect. I just sort of wish I could transmit it back to my 13-year-old self - I think the hope it would give her would be of far more benefit than the knowledge is to me. Even if she had to wait sixteen years for its culmination.
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Date: 2013-06-09 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-09 05:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-09 11:55 am (UTC)I only hope that when I return to my past to mend fences, I meet with people half so gracious as you are.
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Date: 2013-06-09 04:26 pm (UTC)You're very kind. :)
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Date: 2013-06-10 03:04 am (UTC)