A heartbreaking yet important post
Feb. 23rd, 2011 08:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseConfessions of a Fat Girl. Possibly one of the most honest and heartbreaking pieces I've read on the secret obsession with looks that pervades our culture, especially for women.
Here are my thoughts that I posted in response:
"The trick to all the beauty shit is that you can't win."
A-bloody-men. Thank you so much for this heartbreaking post.
I have never been "fat" per se (although I know there are people who would call me so, at 5'8" and an average of 155 pounds), and I've been blessed with pretty good looks. I was also raised in about the most supportive and loving environment you can imagine - my mother did struggle with a lot of the feelings you describe here, and she was damned if she was going to let her daughter feel the same shame about her body. And I was gifted with self-confidence above and beyond the average person (even the average "attractive" person). So things are pretty ideal for me, and I should have the perfect life as far as my looks are concerned, right?
Hah. Yeah right.
One of the uglier sides of living in a capitalist culture is that everything, literally every aspect of our lives, is designed around selling you a product. (Did you know that almost all of the "developmental stages" we think of as being an intrinsic part of childhood - toddler, tween, teenager, young adult - were one and all developed by marketers as a way to categorize which products were meant for what demographic?) And people who are confident in any aspect of their lives aren't a receptive audience to product pitches - if something's good enough already, why would you need to buy something to make it better?
There's a whole subculture built around making beautiful people (mostly women, although it's happening to men more and more often) feel bad about themselves and their looks. A lot of people here have mentioned fashion magazines - they play on attractive womens' fears, too. I can't count the number of times I've seen things like a longer torso, or a longer neck, or larger hips decried as "figure flaws", when all they are is a little different than the average. I'm ashamed to admit how much time I've spent thinking about how to minimize/balance them with the "right" type of clothing. (I'm not talking about dressing to look your best; there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, thinking about such things tinged with the shame you mention, when I am so blessed already in my looks, is something I'm ashamed to admit.) And yet I know that this is just the very surface of a deep, vast ocean that absolutely consumes some people.
One time, when I was paging through a lingerie catalog, I decided to try an experiment. I paged through to the back of the magazine, where their "plus size" (i.e. healthy-looking) models were, and spent some time looking at the (sadly restricted) options there. Then I did the same at a few other clothing websites I knew, over an hour or two, intentionally avoiding any pictures of "traditional" models.
After just that short span of time, when I went back to the main pages of these websites, I was aghast at how underfed and bony they looked. It kind of makes you wonder what would happen if healthy-looking models became mainstream just for a week or two...we might well have a full-scale revolt on our hands.
Here are my thoughts that I posted in response:
"The trick to all the beauty shit is that you can't win."
A-bloody-men. Thank you so much for this heartbreaking post.
I have never been "fat" per se (although I know there are people who would call me so, at 5'8" and an average of 155 pounds), and I've been blessed with pretty good looks. I was also raised in about the most supportive and loving environment you can imagine - my mother did struggle with a lot of the feelings you describe here, and she was damned if she was going to let her daughter feel the same shame about her body. And I was gifted with self-confidence above and beyond the average person (even the average "attractive" person). So things are pretty ideal for me, and I should have the perfect life as far as my looks are concerned, right?
Hah. Yeah right.
One of the uglier sides of living in a capitalist culture is that everything, literally every aspect of our lives, is designed around selling you a product. (Did you know that almost all of the "developmental stages" we think of as being an intrinsic part of childhood - toddler, tween, teenager, young adult - were one and all developed by marketers as a way to categorize which products were meant for what demographic?) And people who are confident in any aspect of their lives aren't a receptive audience to product pitches - if something's good enough already, why would you need to buy something to make it better?
There's a whole subculture built around making beautiful people (mostly women, although it's happening to men more and more often) feel bad about themselves and their looks. A lot of people here have mentioned fashion magazines - they play on attractive womens' fears, too. I can't count the number of times I've seen things like a longer torso, or a longer neck, or larger hips decried as "figure flaws", when all they are is a little different than the average. I'm ashamed to admit how much time I've spent thinking about how to minimize/balance them with the "right" type of clothing. (I'm not talking about dressing to look your best; there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, thinking about such things tinged with the shame you mention, when I am so blessed already in my looks, is something I'm ashamed to admit.) And yet I know that this is just the very surface of a deep, vast ocean that absolutely consumes some people.
One time, when I was paging through a lingerie catalog, I decided to try an experiment. I paged through to the back of the magazine, where their "plus size" (i.e. healthy-looking) models were, and spent some time looking at the (sadly restricted) options there. Then I did the same at a few other clothing websites I knew, over an hour or two, intentionally avoiding any pictures of "traditional" models.
After just that short span of time, when I went back to the main pages of these websites, I was aghast at how underfed and bony they looked. It kind of makes you wonder what would happen if healthy-looking models became mainstream just for a week or two...we might well have a full-scale revolt on our hands.
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no subject
Date: 2011-02-24 12:54 am (UTC)Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I have a hard time recognizing the person there as me, because that is not how I look. Not in my headspace, anyway.
I have the same problem with recordings of my voice, photographs... a number of things, actually.
(In my head, I am way more attractive, and somewhat more butch.)
You are so right!
Date: 2011-02-25 05:39 pm (UTC)Youth and "beauty" are as fleeting as ice at 34 degrees above zero. I look forward to the second half of my life as the time I spend loving every cell in my body, and allowing the light of that love to Shine, Shine, Shine!
Think of how many people make themselves and their intimate partners sick with shame and guilt over not "looking right". Think of the epidemic of breast and prostate cancer that we are plagued with in "modern" culture. See a connection??? GET THE BEAT, FOLKS!!! Love the body you have and spend your money on things that nurture your entire being, body, mind AND soul! Happiness is not in how you look, its in who you ARE. So create well and experience life to the fullest! Yours in joy and appreciation for your kind words. Love, Mum