Some soul-searching

[missroserose]

A friend of mine recently posted about the many things she'd accomplished recently that she was (justifiably) proud of. I was surprised when reading it to realize that I've done some pretty cool things myself over the last couple of years, even though I don't think about them much - usually it's the stuff I haven't yet done, or am waffling about, that seems important. So here, I'm going to take a moment to focus on things I've actually accomplished that I'm proud of:

• I successfully researched, planned, and executed a wedding, honeymoon, and cross-country move, all within four months of each other.  Not that I didn't have a lot of help, but I think it's fair to say that I did the bulk of the organizing for all three (not to mention fiddly administrative stuff like airline reservations, reception arrangements, thank-you notes, et cetera).  All three also went off about as perfectly as can be expected in an imperfect world, thanks to the planning, some help from friends, and a fair amount of luck.
• Over the course of the last year, I've managed to go from a slightly-overweight couch potato with no flexibility and an inability to even stand on one leg to a normal-weight not-quite-couch-potato who can comfortably sit in Pigeon pose, hold Side Angle and Triangle pose without straining, and even (on a good day) manage Half-Moon and Warrior III.  I don't spend as much time in active, heart-rate-raising exercise as I probably should, but I'm a far cry from the depressed office worker I was near becoming then.  And the sheer fact that I've stuck with yoga this long leads me to believe that my self-discipline's better than I thought.
• On the same theme of self-discipline, I've flossed my teeth every night for three years now.  Considering that my teeth are practically more filling than enamel already, I can't exactly afford any new cavities.  Fortunately, the last time I was in the hygenist said it was helping immensely.
• After far too long spent falling into typically American eating habits (fast food, too much salt/sugar, too little fiber, lots of empty calories, not enough vegetables, snacking when bored) I've spent the last couple of years researching what I eat on Nutrition Data and generally trying to be more aware of what I put into my body.  I wouldn't say I've become a health food nut, and I know I could be better about fruits and vegetables especially, but the increased awareness has definitely helped me improve my choices, and I've been surprised at how easy it is to cut out snacking once you realize exactly how much sodium is in most snack foods.  (Which isn't to say that I don't still love salty snacks...sigh...)
• I managed to replace almost all our furniture (with the exception of the couch, bought new, and the table/chairs, a gift from my mother) off of Craigslist, which means we have decent quality furniture far sooner than we'd have been able to afford it otherwise.  I even surprised Brian by hauling a queen-size bed from a town an hour away and setting it up all by myself.
• I taught myself how to work with spreadsheets and use the basic functionality of Microsoft Excel, despite my not generally being a "numbers person".  (I am a "concepts person", however, and spreadsheets are basically just organized representations of mathematical concepts that you plug numbers into.  So they weren't anywhere near as tough for me to figure out as I thought they'd be, although error-checking is never going to be easy for me.)
• I also taught myself how to build a database from scratch with Access, and learned that I have a pretty darn good aptitude for database design (see above re: "concepts person" - I'm very good at listing subjects and picturing the relationships between them, which is pretty much all a database design needs).  Slightly less challenging but no less useful was learning how to make forms in InfoPath - my two big contributions to the City and Borough of Juneau were making up a yearly evaluation form that wasn't based in Word (and therefore prone to page break problems and all kinds of other fun issues) and building a database in which to keep track of their vehicle information.
• I left a job that I generally liked but felt stifled at, in favor of trying something new and more challenging (with better pay).  Admittedly, the results were something of a mixed bag (see below), but as I continually get annoyed at people who stick with dead-end jobs because the idea of doing something different scares them, I'm not sorry I did it.
• I managed to work an entire year at a job with a coworker who made me miserable (much to my chagrin, as I generally believe I'm the only one in control of my moods - unfortunately, we seemed perfectly placed on the personality spectrum to press each others' buttons).  I'm not sure if this is an accomplishment, per se, but I think I learned quite a bit about myself from the experience, and also learned that I can deal with short-term misery if it's necessary for fiscal reasons or whatnot.  And people keep telling me that's part of growing up, so.

Why am I going over all of this now?  Well, it's a bit complicated.  See, lately I've been pondering attempting to write a novel - I have oodles of time, after all, and I really haven't come across any job openings that thrill me (not that there are that many here to begin with).  Brian thinks I should do it, but I'm not really sure I can - I've started similar projects in the past and never finished them, partly due to a lack of self-discipline and partly because they never felt like they were worth finishing.  But (as evidenced above) my self-discipline has gotten a lot better recently, and the only way to get better at something is to keep doing it.  So perhaps I should just stop waffling and give it a go, already.

I think the hardest part is being afraid that I'll go to all that effort and the result won't be worth anything.  I'm so used to being able to just do so many things without much work, that the prospect of actually having to buckle down and plow through the learning phase of something is bloody intimidating.  So it'd probably be a good exercise for me, if a somewhat frustrating one.  Now if I can just think of an idea that I'm excited enough about to override my fear of getting started...

Comments

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

I think the hardest part is being afraid that I'll go to all that effort and the result won't be worth anything.

If you go through all that effort, the results will be:
You have taken the time and energy to write an entire novel.
You have learned a great deal about the craft.
You have learned a great deal about yourself.
God damn it, woman, you *wrote* a *novel*.

That is totally worth it.

You're amazing. You may be nearly as amazing as I am. I can't wait to see what you come up with.
(If you want, I have a barely used story from 1894 San Francisco that could use writing up. It's a kick in the pants!)

[amanda_lodden.livejournal.com]

[aol] Me too [/aol]

I was going to say a lot about how the result is always worth something, even if what it's worth is a valuable lesson in how not to do it. But CJ said it pretty well already.

However, I also wanted to point out: you have accomplished a lot, and you have every single right to be proud of yourself. That list has me pretty impressed.

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :) Coming from you, that means a lot.

I've been pondering how people often seem to discount their achievements in favor of dwelling on things left undone, even when said achievements are really quite impressive. It almost seems like, well, if you did it, it couldn't have been all that hard, could it? On the other hand, though, it's kind of annoying to tell someone "Wow, you're really amazing at XYZ" and have them go "Oh, it's not really *that* big a deal" - it sounds like false modesty, but often I think it's just that it really doesn't seem like a big deal to them.

[alexmegami]

Dooooo eeeeeeet. And send it to me! ;)

:)

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Will you hook me up with your publishing contacts so I can get rich and famous? :D

[alexmegami]

*lol* My one single publishing contact? ;) If it's erotica, sure *L*

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Heh, I've got a few stories in that category already. Let me know if they're looking for mental/emotional manipulation kink.

[joyfulleigh.livejournal.com]

loves you.

That's all.

L.

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Here's to two awesome women with quite the list of accomplishments! *toasts*

[joyfulleigh.livejournal.com]

Cheers!

[jamesd.livejournal.com]

I enjoy your writing. This doesn't mean that I'd enjoy a novel by you but it's a good start. :)

[gracewanderer.livejournal.com]

But are all of your databases in third normal form? ;-)

FWIW I enjoy reading the things you write.

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Actually, yes - when I was reading about normal forms, I realized that they were basically the exact concepts I'd already figured intuitively. Not that it wasn't good to have them written out like that.

And thanks. :)