Gaming and Fast Cars
Nov. 3rd, 2003 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseCurrently listening to my ex-boyfriend discuss gaming with one of his friends in the other room. Considering the heartbreak I've been enduring the past few days, my reaction is rather odd - I'm almost getting a sense of relief.
Computer games were one of my sticking points with Ian...a lot of the time I felt like he was ignoring me for CounterStrike or any number of other games. At least, this was back when we had a relationship of sorts. Now he can play what he wants, and I can feel abandoned for entirely different reasons.
Again I find myself wondering if the relationship I'm wanting to re-instigate isn't an illusion created by my mind. I know no one has the perfect relationship, but is there truly any happiness to be found with someone else? Shouldn't you be happy with yourself, first? It's not that I'm not happy with myself, just that I prefer to have company. Maybe I should just stay out of relationships altogether until I can learn to be self-reliant. It'd certainly cause less heartache than depending on someone else to fulfill my needs for companionship...
I've had a dream for a long time now of finding someone with a fast car, being able to pack a few essentials and going someplace new to start a life with them. Maybe it would be better if I waited until I had my own fast car, and didn't have to rely on anyone else for a car, for companionship, for income. I can drive now; for the first time in my life I can get behind the wheel of a car without my muscles locking up in terror. Soon I'll get a license, and eventually, I hope to be able to own a car as well. And for some reason, the idea of an open road ahead of me with no one to drag me down is much more appealing than it used to be.
Maybe I am growing up, finally. Maybe I finally am becoming a woman.
If only it weren't such a painful process.
@->--Rose
"You got a fast car/Is it fast enough that you can fly away/You gotta make a decision/Leave tonight or live and die this way..."
Computer games were one of my sticking points with Ian...a lot of the time I felt like he was ignoring me for CounterStrike or any number of other games. At least, this was back when we had a relationship of sorts. Now he can play what he wants, and I can feel abandoned for entirely different reasons.
Again I find myself wondering if the relationship I'm wanting to re-instigate isn't an illusion created by my mind. I know no one has the perfect relationship, but is there truly any happiness to be found with someone else? Shouldn't you be happy with yourself, first? It's not that I'm not happy with myself, just that I prefer to have company. Maybe I should just stay out of relationships altogether until I can learn to be self-reliant. It'd certainly cause less heartache than depending on someone else to fulfill my needs for companionship...
I've had a dream for a long time now of finding someone with a fast car, being able to pack a few essentials and going someplace new to start a life with them. Maybe it would be better if I waited until I had my own fast car, and didn't have to rely on anyone else for a car, for companionship, for income. I can drive now; for the first time in my life I can get behind the wheel of a car without my muscles locking up in terror. Soon I'll get a license, and eventually, I hope to be able to own a car as well. And for some reason, the idea of an open road ahead of me with no one to drag me down is much more appealing than it used to be.
Maybe I am growing up, finally. Maybe I finally am becoming a woman.
If only it weren't such a painful process.
@->--Rose
"You got a fast car/Is it fast enough that you can fly away/You gotta make a decision/Leave tonight or live and die this way..."
