A midnight whine at 10:17 PM
Oct. 29th, 2003 10:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroserose...and now, for the other half of the emotional swing.
Ian is here at home with his lady friend, currently occupying the bedroom. While this isn't bothering me so much on a possessive level with him anymore, I *am* feeling rather shut out of things. It doesn't help that I was supposed to be out tonight, but Ryan fell through on plans. As cold as it sounds, it seems that for a while I've had this expectation in the back of my mind that "I won't be alone so long as Ian's here - I always have him for company." Yeah, well, I guess I don't, anymore. Not that I begrudge him his time with her; it's just that I really hate this sudden feeling of being on my own.
I guess I still have a lot of unresolved issues about abandonment and being alone and stuff like that. I really hate emotional issues...they're a pain in the arse to try and work out, and you're never quite sure when one's going to come back and bite you in said arse when you least expect it.
This is the problem with only having one or two friends you're not sleeping with - it seems that on nights when you really need to talk to someone, they're not around. And since the person I *am* sleeping with kindly decided to make himself unavailable tonight, I guess it's just me and my feelings tonight. I wonder if I've got enough emotional baggage that they'll start charging me extra at the airport yet...
"I'm seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind/She's got baggage and it's all the emotional kind/She talks about closure and that validation bit/I don't mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that shit..."
Ian is here at home with his lady friend, currently occupying the bedroom. While this isn't bothering me so much on a possessive level with him anymore, I *am* feeling rather shut out of things. It doesn't help that I was supposed to be out tonight, but Ryan fell through on plans. As cold as it sounds, it seems that for a while I've had this expectation in the back of my mind that "I won't be alone so long as Ian's here - I always have him for company." Yeah, well, I guess I don't, anymore. Not that I begrudge him his time with her; it's just that I really hate this sudden feeling of being on my own.
I guess I still have a lot of unresolved issues about abandonment and being alone and stuff like that. I really hate emotional issues...they're a pain in the arse to try and work out, and you're never quite sure when one's going to come back and bite you in said arse when you least expect it.
This is the problem with only having one or two friends you're not sleeping with - it seems that on nights when you really need to talk to someone, they're not around. And since the person I *am* sleeping with kindly decided to make himself unavailable tonight, I guess it's just me and my feelings tonight. I wonder if I've got enough emotional baggage that they'll start charging me extra at the airport yet...
"I'm seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind/She's got baggage and it's all the emotional kind/She talks about closure and that validation bit/I don't mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that shit..."
