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Jan. 30th, 2005 07:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseGot my homework done for the weekend, and am finding myself very glad that I only have one actual academic-type class. To tell the truth, I'm starting to lose patience with this whole "college" thing. This is something that I've noticed about myself - if I see something as a challenge, or if there's some sort of reward that I really want/need, I often do very well with it. But once I've gotten good at it, especially if there's no real reward at the end, I tend to get kind of bored. College seems to be a pretty classic example - I bombed out my first semester, then went back and did five more, pulling straight A's for two of them. But now I'm hitting the point where there's really no draw in it for me. It's not much of a challenge, since I know I can do it, and while an English degree would be nice to have, it's not something I really value enough to do the work required for it. I value other things in my life much more - acting, singing, time with Juneau-Brian, time with other friends - and while I enjoy talking about literature and whatnot in class, the time requirement outside of class is really starting to get on my nerves. So maybe I'll just stick with acting and singing and dance classes for next semester - I won't be living in the dorms, so I won't need to be full-time, and I only need six credits to keep my library job. (Or I might - gasp! - find a better paying job.) I may go back to the whole English degree idea, or I may not - it's not like they take your credits away for inactivity, or anything.
On the personal front, life has been going pretty well - I've spent a lot of time with Juneau-Brian, obviously, and we're still happy together. We went to our ballroom dance class on Wednesday and then practice today, and I have to say that it's a helluva nice thing to be dancing with someone who both has a sense of rhythm and actually leads. (Unfortunately, this has caused some difficulties, as when I was dancing with Ryan I was used to leading have the time. I'm working on the whole "following" thing, though.) Ryan had a lot of enthusiasm but was rather lacking in the assertiveness/rhythm categories (not to mention height), so Shane (the teacher) and I were joking about how I'd upgraded for a better model. =)
Speaking of Ryan, I've been getting semi-coherent emails from him asking for explanations as to what went wrong with us so he can find "clossure". The non-logic of that aside (he has to find closure from himself; talking to me isn't going to give it to him), I tried for some time to figure out how I could explain it to him so he would understand. Unfortunately, I came to a bit of a realization - he's not going to understand unless he wants to, and he doesn't want to because that would mean that he'd have to change and grow, and that's something he's simply not willing to do at the moment (which is one of the reasons things didn't work out for us in the first place). So I sent him a very diplomatic email where I tried to put things as plainly and simply as I could; I'm not going to answer any more of them because the only questions he's asked are ones that, if he'd actually processed the messages I've sent him, he'd already know the answers to. I really wish I could help him understand, but the fact is, I can't. So he's pretty much on his own.
*sigh*
There was one line from his last email that really made me laugh, though. I had explained to him that I'm happier now that I'm with someone who's both my intellectual equal and who wants/values the same things I do in life. His response: "I honestly hope that is true and you are happy with him in a year or two...or three. When you are a "Volvo Driving Socer Mom" with kids and a job at a local book store."
To quote Brian O'Blivion: "Uh...yeah. Sure. That's *really* likely to be you."
And to quote Juneau-Brian: "We'll have to invite him to our marble mansion on the hill, won't we?"
I'm really not sure where he came up with that, but...wow. Just wow. We were dating/sleeping together for a whole year and he really knows me that little? I think it's more likely that he's just bitter, but still. Wow.
Well, now that I've put it down for posterity, we can see who's right in a year or two. Or three. ;)
Anyway, I had a couple of other things to talk about, but my screen's suddenly gone kind of wonky. So I think I'm going to post this and restart the computer.
On the personal front, life has been going pretty well - I've spent a lot of time with Juneau-Brian, obviously, and we're still happy together. We went to our ballroom dance class on Wednesday and then practice today, and I have to say that it's a helluva nice thing to be dancing with someone who both has a sense of rhythm and actually leads. (Unfortunately, this has caused some difficulties, as when I was dancing with Ryan I was used to leading have the time. I'm working on the whole "following" thing, though.) Ryan had a lot of enthusiasm but was rather lacking in the assertiveness/rhythm categories (not to mention height), so Shane (the teacher) and I were joking about how I'd upgraded for a better model. =)
Speaking of Ryan, I've been getting semi-coherent emails from him asking for explanations as to what went wrong with us so he can find "clossure". The non-logic of that aside (he has to find closure from himself; talking to me isn't going to give it to him), I tried for some time to figure out how I could explain it to him so he would understand. Unfortunately, I came to a bit of a realization - he's not going to understand unless he wants to, and he doesn't want to because that would mean that he'd have to change and grow, and that's something he's simply not willing to do at the moment (which is one of the reasons things didn't work out for us in the first place). So I sent him a very diplomatic email where I tried to put things as plainly and simply as I could; I'm not going to answer any more of them because the only questions he's asked are ones that, if he'd actually processed the messages I've sent him, he'd already know the answers to. I really wish I could help him understand, but the fact is, I can't. So he's pretty much on his own.
*sigh*
There was one line from his last email that really made me laugh, though. I had explained to him that I'm happier now that I'm with someone who's both my intellectual equal and who wants/values the same things I do in life. His response: "I honestly hope that is true and you are happy with him in a year or two...or three. When you are a "Volvo Driving Socer Mom" with kids and a job at a local book store."
To quote Brian O'Blivion: "Uh...yeah. Sure. That's *really* likely to be you."
And to quote Juneau-Brian: "We'll have to invite him to our marble mansion on the hill, won't we?"
I'm really not sure where he came up with that, but...wow. Just wow. We were dating/sleeping together for a whole year and he really knows me that little? I think it's more likely that he's just bitter, but still. Wow.
Well, now that I've put it down for posterity, we can see who's right in a year or two. Or three. ;)
Anyway, I had a couple of other things to talk about, but my screen's suddenly gone kind of wonky. So I think I'm going to post this and restart the computer.
explanation of a metaphonre
Date: 2005-02-02 03:37 pm (UTC)this is why I wanted to talk with you for the last 6 months. We always comunicated a lot more non verbaly that we did by any written form. Part of the reason for this is my lurning disabilitys which make some (or most) of what I say when I am writing hard to understand. Besides a miss interpritation because of spelling, I will try to explane.
Everclear is my favorite band, and since I plaid it a lot and we descused a lot of the songs I assumed you would get my meaning. I know we talked about the song, "Volvo Driving Soccer Mom." For thows of you who don't know this song it is about a friend of the singer who went from being a porn star in highschool to a boring normal life. This boring normal life is trying to fight all the rule breaking and fanticys of sex in her younger life, much like George Bush. Now I don't know if there music tuched you the way it does me, but that song has been going threw my head for sevral months and I just got it out last month. I hope it is obvous what I was trying to say, Rose> I love you but you need to see why I knew we needed time apart and why enjoying life is so vital to staying alive. I have no dought that you are happy right now. I rember that, I know how strong the fealings of love are...(I degress)but I was saying we never talked about why we where splitting up. After we decided to spend some time apart back in April, or March you never let me talk to you. If I wanted to talk you where tred or got defensave, or maby I was getting defensave when I felt thretened by youre manor of arguing like your mother insted of discussing it like I actuly got her to do the night I had to sit her down and tell her the difrance between finding somthing for some one to do, and helping a frind pack. Packing is easy when you do it, but it is the doing it that is hard. You have to set a gole and then it will get done.
---This break in the text provided by the story is to long for me to commint in one dialog box so it will be continued in sevral.
Re: explanation of a metaphonre
Date: 2005-02-02 03:56 pm (UTC)Quite honestly, I'm not particularly interested in talking about why we broke up. I already explained it to you, and I have no particular desire to spend much time with you at the moment.
Please save yourself the trouble of explaining. Because the honest truth is, I don't care.
explanation -2
Date: 2005-02-02 04:02 pm (UTC)explanation -3
Date: 2005-02-02 04:06 pm (UTC)We both needed to spend some time apart and then have a discustion abought our relationship. but when ever I wanted to talk about it you would go off abought some one ealce, or want to go to sleep.
Now, I want to thank you for your commints abought the Email I sent to you personaly. Althow I didn't intent to make this a public discustion you have chosen this forem, so I will use it. I am not preducting that you will become a Volvo Driveing Socer Mom, I am mearly say that I see lots of simlaritys in your life to you becoming a Republican.
I would love to talk more, this has been very informative and helpfull for me. Both of your Emails contaned insights for me. A few more and I may never want to speek to you again, but for the time being I don't want to be resentfull, and I will always love you, but my respect is shrinking by the day.
Ryan