Time for a bit of a flashback...
Nov. 10th, 2004 11:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseOne of the things that {my cousin} Emily asked me once I'd given her the rundown on my life was this: "Does your life make you happy right now?" or something to that effect. Normally I would have said "yes" right off the bat, but to tell the truth, I feel like something is missing at the moment. Sure, there are moments when I'm happy, but I generally don't have a lot of joy. [...] So what do I want? I'm having an easier time describing what I don't want: I don't want a huge family, I don't want to be conservative, I don't want to have an ordinary life. Except that last isn't quite so well-defined anymore; lately, I've met plenty of people with lives that could be considered "ordinary", and they seem happy enough. And considering that I don't have any real idea on how to make my life non-ordinary, maybe I should just aim for the usual job-husband-kid-car-house deal.
It's been a little less than a year since I wrote that, and I just realized today that I've hit the opposite end of the spectrum.
I am totally happy with my life right now. Not because of a person, or because of something I'm looking forward to...I'm really happy. Right here in the present.
Of course, there are a lot of factors contributing to this:
--I have a dream that I'm pursuing
--I know what it is I want to do in life
--I'm taking steps to pursue that dream
--My confidence in said dream and my ability to realize it is growing by leaps and bounds
--I'm getting better and better at singing and acting, partially from practice and partially from aforementioned confidence
--I'm doing well in my classes, all of which I enjoy
--I have friends that I love and that care about me
--I'm totally falling for someone (the situation around which could be better, but is far from the worst that could happen and is probably the best thing for me right now)
--Garlic-cheese quesadillas are excellent, especially with wine
--I have direction in my life. And not just a "Well, I might as well go after this" kind of a goal, but a "This is what I was born here to do" kind of a goal. And I'm going for it.
I think that's really what makes all the difference.
It's been a little less than a year since I wrote that, and I just realized today that I've hit the opposite end of the spectrum.
I am totally happy with my life right now. Not because of a person, or because of something I'm looking forward to...I'm really happy. Right here in the present.
Of course, there are a lot of factors contributing to this:
--I have a dream that I'm pursuing
--I know what it is I want to do in life
--I'm taking steps to pursue that dream
--My confidence in said dream and my ability to realize it is growing by leaps and bounds
--I'm getting better and better at singing and acting, partially from practice and partially from aforementioned confidence
--I'm doing well in my classes, all of which I enjoy
--I have friends that I love and that care about me
--I'm totally falling for someone (the situation around which could be better, but is far from the worst that could happen and is probably the best thing for me right now)
--Garlic-cheese quesadillas are excellent, especially with wine
--I have direction in my life. And not just a "Well, I might as well go after this" kind of a goal, but a "This is what I was born here to do" kind of a goal. And I'm going for it.
I think that's really what makes all the difference.
