Disarray.

[missroserose]

Tangle of thoughts, dreams, visions. Loose ends here and there, ends connected to everything, ends connected to nothing except each other. Distress at lack of order.

Future: what of it? Will it be as desired, or as feared, despairing? Nothing is known, except that it keeps turning into the present.

Strange hours. Sleepy at 2 PM, wide awake at two in the morning. What of it? When day stretches on forever, does it matter when one sleeps?

What, exactly, makes one grown-up? Self-sufficiency? Who can determine the level of maturity required to have reached adulthood? "21" seems a rather indeterminate and arbitrary number, given the wide range of differences contained therein. Is there an intelligence/independence level that must be attained, and if so, can it be measured?

Boyfriend/lover/companion arriving tomorrow. Perhaps sex will help ground my thoughts somewhat? Or will it just make things worse?

Song inside, wants to get out. Strangled in the back of a throat, too-soft with tongue in the way. Afraid to let it out; afraid of what? Ridicule? Pointed fingers? Disturbing others? Not living up to the voice in my head?

Do I want to let my song out, or do I just want to make others do the growing-up for me?

Comments

[glenn74b.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was very poetic. *hugs* Don't know what to tell you, sadly. Pray about it? I guess, I don't know, hun, sorry. :(

[hereticorp.livejournal.com]

You know, I was just discussing that whole "What makes someone a grown-up" thing with Kathy a couple days back. We haven't come up with a conclusive answer yet.

[frogjimmy.livejournal.com]

That is one helluva post. That is a song, period.

The measures of what a "grown up" is are bunk. They are a fabrication of standards that your grandparents put on your parents, and what your parents are trying to bestow upon you... but here's the thing: most don't care.

Life is far too short to measure up to some standard that isn't your own. As long as your success is in direct relation to your happiness, it doesn't matter if you make $5/hr or own 3 houses.

Write your song. Sing it. Record it. Share it. If it sucks, don't be discouraged. If it's outstanding, don't get complacent. I've been trying to write music (for a long time), but I've only started putting notes out there and transcribing them. Most of it is humour based, but I figure if it's catchy, I'll build music writing skills before I attach a serious song to it (the first composition is a theme song for a gag-Flash thingy called "Bus Driver").

I recommened Reason 2.5 and though it's overwhelming, it's incredible. You can probably get a 25 MIDI keyboard for $100 or less.

I'm a geek. I love video games. I don't drink (for the most part). I love music. I'm 27 and I actually feel pity for those who have no creative outlets whatsoever. I don't feel "grown up", but I have a decent-paying job in an industry that I enjoy, I have my own apartment, no car. I don't care what strangers thing, because the ones I care about are the only ones that matter.

Oh man, I really gotta learn to shut the hell up... sorry I went off. I've had this discussion alot lately with other friends.

are you submissive?

[sir-ntac.livejournal.com]

?????