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Jun. 2nd, 2004 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseFog has rolled in. I can't see much farther than a block in any direction. Not that there's much to see.
Fog seems to have rolled in on my mind, too. After a weekend of sun where I felt closer than ever to achieving my dream someday, the fog of doubt has rolled over, covering everything like a thick blanket.
How close am I, really, to achieving this dream? I can sing a bit, but not that well, and do I really have the courage to go through years of lessons? Is there really that big of a chance of my becoming a star singer/actor? Where am I going to find opportunities to audition for musicals when I'm living in Alaska? How can I move someplace where I know no one and avoid the incredible depression that usually hits me? What if I become another wannabe performer who's continually bitter about how she never got the breaks? What if The Phantom of the Opera closes before I ever have the chance to sing the part of Christine that I so desperately want to do? Worse, what if the part opens, I audition, and someone else gets it? How likely is it that I'll ever even be able to break into the field? How will I survive if I never do?
The problem with knowing what you're here to do is the worry that if you never make it, your life will have been relatively pointless...
...what if I end up as just another person with a pointless life?
Fog seems to have rolled in on my mind, too. After a weekend of sun where I felt closer than ever to achieving my dream someday, the fog of doubt has rolled over, covering everything like a thick blanket.
How close am I, really, to achieving this dream? I can sing a bit, but not that well, and do I really have the courage to go through years of lessons? Is there really that big of a chance of my becoming a star singer/actor? Where am I going to find opportunities to audition for musicals when I'm living in Alaska? How can I move someplace where I know no one and avoid the incredible depression that usually hits me? What if I become another wannabe performer who's continually bitter about how she never got the breaks? What if The Phantom of the Opera closes before I ever have the chance to sing the part of Christine that I so desperately want to do? Worse, what if the part opens, I audition, and someone else gets it? How likely is it that I'll ever even be able to break into the field? How will I survive if I never do?
The problem with knowing what you're here to do is the worry that if you never make it, your life will have been relatively pointless...
...what if I end up as just another person with a pointless life?
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Christine....BAH!
Date: 2004-06-02 11:45 am (UTC)Just curious - have you had any formal training in music? That's what those audition people looks for more than anything else--stage presence and professional training. Just asking because both my parents and sisters are all professional musicians (in contrast to me, the film critic. Hee hee), and so I've learned a few tricks of the trade. You'd got the stage presence/charisma down at least, and that's more edge that most aspiring musicians have.
"...what if I end up as just another person with a pointless life?"
You mean someone who needs to be removed from the gene pool? Somehow I highly doubt that. What's your definition of "pointless?" Meaningless? Unprolific? BORING?!? Just curious.
Re: Christine....BAH!
Date: 2004-06-02 12:15 pm (UTC)I'm not entirely sure why it is that I want to play Christine so much...I've always loved the music from Phantom, and I've always wanted to play the cute young innocent thing that the dark tortured Byronic hero lusts after. What can I say? It's the goth in me...
I haven't had much professional training, yet. My mother (the one who could've been an opera singer, as I'm sure I've mentioned) is giving me lessons this summer, and I'm thinking about taking some music classes and/or possibly going to conservatory. I'm just not always certain I have the discipline for it.
Thanks about the charisma, though. A lot of people seem to agree with you. *shrug*
As for pointless...when I think of a pointless life, I mostly think of that last - boring. American Beauty style, if you will. Spending my whole life chasing after the American Dream only to realize that I don't like my life, that I'm not accomplishing anything. That's really my biggest fear - either getting so afraid of living my dream that I run away and become another suburbanite with a life I hate, or worse, trying, failing at it and eventually doing the same thing.
Damned either way. No wonder I feel so trapped sometimes...
Re: Christine....BAH!
Date: 2004-06-02 12:28 pm (UTC)Just make sure there's no homicidal/manic-depressant, abusive father (in your case, mother?) with homosexual tendencies living next door, and you'll be fine.
Kull wahad!
Date: 2004-06-02 01:27 pm (UTC)> How close am I, really, to achieving this dream? I can sing a bit, but not that well, and do I really have the courage to go through years of lessons?
Well, you're on the verge of taking the first step down the road. There are a lot more to go, but if it's what you want to do, you'll have to take each step in stride, always keeping your eyes on the horizon...
> Where am I going to find opportunities to audition for musicals when I'm living in Alaska? How can I move someplace where I know no one and avoid the incredible depression that usually hits me?
You probably won't find a lot of opportunities for musical theater in Alaska, but you'd know that better than me. Offhand -- and at some point -- I would probably recommend relocating to a place with a livelier musical theater scene: London, Los Angeles, New York, and so forth.
So far as that goes, well, you *do* happen to know somebody in L.A. who's got a place you can crash at, so maybe that'd help alleviate some of the depression...
> What if I become another wannabe performer who's continually bitter about how she never got the breaks? What if The Phantom of the Opera closes before I ever have the chance to sing the part of Christine that I so desperately want to do? Worse, what if the part opens, I audition, and someone else gets it?
Here's where you sound like me. Whenever I'm worrying about something that's out of my hands, you always tell me to knock it off -- and now the ball's in Brian's court. =P
There's no way you can do anything about these elements, because there are too many variables, and they're all the kinds of things that are currently beyond your control. You have no way of actually knowing you'll wind up a bitter wannabe engenue; it's just as possible you might become a mid-level Broadway player, or even a bonafide star. And maybe Phantom will close before you can audition for it, or maybe somebody else will get the part you want, but...
On those counts, you'll never know until you know, and there's nothing you can do on either count, either. You know? =P
So... don't worry about those. Focus on the little things you can control, instead.
> How will I survive if I never do?
Community theatre, maybe? Or maybe you get a job as a drama teacher? There are lots of other related careers that you can work, assuming that your first plan doesn't work out. Although I suspect it will. =)
> The problem with knowing what you're here to do is the worry that if you never make it, your life will have been relatively pointless...
Ah, but on the other side of the equation, if you're here to be in musicals, then... wouldn't it stand to reason that you're just as likely to succeed in them, if not more so?
> ...what if I end up as just another person with a pointless life?
Well... that really does depend on what you consider a pointless life, I guess. I would simply tell you to remember that even if you don't make it as a Broadway celebrity, it doesn't mean your life is pointless -- it's not quite what you wanted, and maybe it's a little more prosaic and boring, but... it will probably still have its charms.
Y'know. Anyway, take care, and have yourself a nice first day of work, nu? =) I'll catch you later.
--Brian
Eponine
Date: 2004-06-02 02:10 pm (UTC)Re: Eponine
Date: 2004-06-02 02:15 pm (UTC)Re: Eponine
Date: 2004-06-02 08:49 pm (UTC)Brian - nice reference, but have you explained "kull wahad" to her yet?
Hmm
Date: 2004-06-06 12:00 am (UTC)