Sleep. Wonderful thing, that.
Dec. 11th, 2003 09:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseFinals are over. Papers are written. Speeches are given. Material is studied. Tests are taken. Classes are over and done with...for this semester, anyway. Classes for next semester are registered. Firefly DVD's are bought. The only thing left on my to-do list from the past couple of weeks is to get my driver's license. I spent the last two days catching up on sleep. I feel so much better.
Work is boring, but I only have today and tomorrow to deal with, fortunately. Next week I get to fly down to Anchorage and then to Colorado to visit my Mormon cousins, one of whom is almost my age and getting married. Almost my age. 21, for godsakes. And she's getting married. Has she even considered the fact that, ideally, she's going to be spending her life with this guy? Is she doing this because she wants to, or because her family/church wants her to, or because she wants to know what sex is like, or what? Doesn't she realize that there are other options??
Maybe I'm being too hard on her. After all, I haven't even seen her since I was 9 or so. Maybe she's just a helluva lot more mature than I am. Maybe (likely, I would think) I'm a helluva lot farther on the left-wing side than she is. Maybe she honestly thinks this will make her happy. In which case, I wish her nothing but the best.
I think the reason this bugs me so much is that, not so long ago, I was hoping to get married within the next couple of years. And yet a lot of events have happened over the past six months or so that have made me realize that I'm nowhere near ready for marriage. Nor are most twenty-somethings I know, especially early twenty-somethings. Admittedly, there are exceptions, but I'm beginning to see why it is that so many marriages end in divorce - because marriage is no longer seen as a permanent thing, people can give up when the relationship gets hard, as opposed to actually making it work. And because it's hard enough to find one person who's willing to put forth that kind of effort, let alone two, very few couples make it. It's one of the reasons I admire those who do.
Bah. Love is hard. Once you've realized that, I think, you're ahead of the game. Doubly so if your partner has also realized it.
"If they ever invent a vibrator that takes out the trash, I'm giving up on men altogether." --Dave Barry, "Tricky Business"
@->--Rose
Work is boring, but I only have today and tomorrow to deal with, fortunately. Next week I get to fly down to Anchorage and then to Colorado to visit my Mormon cousins, one of whom is almost my age and getting married. Almost my age. 21, for godsakes. And she's getting married. Has she even considered the fact that, ideally, she's going to be spending her life with this guy? Is she doing this because she wants to, or because her family/church wants her to, or because she wants to know what sex is like, or what? Doesn't she realize that there are other options??
Maybe I'm being too hard on her. After all, I haven't even seen her since I was 9 or so. Maybe she's just a helluva lot more mature than I am. Maybe (likely, I would think) I'm a helluva lot farther on the left-wing side than she is. Maybe she honestly thinks this will make her happy. In which case, I wish her nothing but the best.
I think the reason this bugs me so much is that, not so long ago, I was hoping to get married within the next couple of years. And yet a lot of events have happened over the past six months or so that have made me realize that I'm nowhere near ready for marriage. Nor are most twenty-somethings I know, especially early twenty-somethings. Admittedly, there are exceptions, but I'm beginning to see why it is that so many marriages end in divorce - because marriage is no longer seen as a permanent thing, people can give up when the relationship gets hard, as opposed to actually making it work. And because it's hard enough to find one person who's willing to put forth that kind of effort, let alone two, very few couples make it. It's one of the reasons I admire those who do.
Bah. Love is hard. Once you've realized that, I think, you're ahead of the game. Doubly so if your partner has also realized it.
"If they ever invent a vibrator that takes out the trash, I'm giving up on men altogether." --Dave Barry, "Tricky Business"
@->--Rose
Opinion: When to have kids, and when to raise them.
Date: 2003-12-11 05:27 pm (UTC)But seriously, I think I read somewhere that its harder to learn once one has kids (In this case I think it was learning languages, and I expect, but can't assure, that they surveyed people with equal levels of exhaustion.)
So I propose that women somehow entice their mothers and fathers, etc. into raising the kid(s) they have young, while young mothers finish studies, etc.
Probably something wrong with this plan...
As a guy, without a biological clock ticking so fast, I plan to have kids quite a few years from now, when I've actually matured financially, etc....;-)
Brian 'clueless'Cady/briancady413 = frequent user name
Re: Opinion: When to have kids, and when to raise them.
Date: 2003-12-12 12:23 am (UTC)The fact that women are biologically primed to have kids while young might be, I think, the reasoning behind the fact that it's more socially acceptable for an older man to be involved with a younger woman than vice versa. If you marry a nice young thing to an older, financially stable man, the children have the best chance of surviving both the pregnancy and life afterwards...
"Marriage has nothing to do with love! That's why God invented poetry!" --Marco, "Dangerous Beauty".
*sigh* If only that weren't so often true...
@->--Rose
atx_animal_trainer@yahoo.com
Date: 2003-12-21 07:41 am (UTC)I have often lamented that marriage is an anchronism. A hold over that has been perpetuated by the conditioning that we seem destined to oppress our young women with: your value is linked to your hymen, and by juxtaposition your value is as a sexual object.
This falls right in with my belief that from the ages of 17 to about 25 (later still for many more) a girl has no value and no purpose other than to learn how to be kicked around physically or emotionally by men. Younger men, older women? Sure...it's the path of least resistance for propogating the species. Your young your vulnerable have no schooling and have yet to be emotionally tempered by fire. So...easy pickings.
The romantic notion? The picket fence. The built in security that comes from a life partner. Drek. Something continually encouraged from mother to daugther as they hope that you get what they never found, and make you feel inadequate with out a mate. You hit the nail on the head Rose. The transience of our relations seems to show how we have shaken off our agrarian mores. In our fast hi-tech world where mobility is the the rule, how can anyone take the time that we as individuals need to truly be able to judge compatibility?
Arranged marriage is arranged marriage. At least something bigger whether culture or religion is taking up the committment slack. It shall be because the church says it shall be....easier than thinking. Love is hard. And very over rated. Everyone is so in to the warm fuzzy moist side of it that they forget that for every up is an impending down. And unless you have lived enough to be able to deal with the emotional side of it, regardless of your intellectual ability...it can be...incapacitating.
and as for Firefly...the absolute best thing to come to TV in ages. I loved it. From the start. Especially the way the present takes on sexual as well as social mores. I was along for the ride from the start. I was watching it quite by happenstance, and count myself fortunate among to be among the Browncoats. Never had I participated in e-groups ot bulletin boards, but I was so provoked by this show it brought me to them just to trade thoughts.
If you haven't already you will especially enjoy the extras on the DVD. It is clear that this was not just another possible hit show for Whedon. Clearly this was to be his capstone as well as a labor of love for him. He nor the cast (especially Ron Glas who looks on the verge of tears during his interwiew) thought this was just another job.
I found the deleted scenes very poignant and wished that he had not bowed to the FOX executives and cut them out. They set what I feel is an appropriate mood for the show as well as providing important insight into both Mal and Zoe.
Well I have rambled on enough for now. Please feel free flame me if you feel like it at the address above.
CM
no subject
Date: 2003-12-22 04:07 am (UTC)What if an 18-21 year old girl was to meet a guy who really did treat her like gold, a guy who became her best friend and soul mate? That's what my fiancée says about me.
All I care is that she has a good life, that she's happy, that she gets a good education. I would do anything to make her happy, even wait for years before marrying her if she asked me to. But she doesn't want to, she wants to spend her life with me as much as I want to spend mine with her. I know we'll have a good life because we get along very well, as I said before, we're best friends and soul mates.
Also, I would never, ever hurt my fiancée emotionally or physically. I'd rather hurt myself than hurt her, I would do anything to prevent her from getting hurt. Not all men are misogynistic, chauvinistic, slime balls who try to dominate women rather than just existing with them. The view that all men are that way is just as old fashioned as the misogynistic views that some fools in my gender still hold.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-22 11:26 am (UTC)