(no subject)

Got my homework done for the weekend, and am finding myself very glad that I only have one actual academic-type class. To tell the truth, I'm starting to lose patience with this whole "college" thing. This is something that I've noticed about myself - if I see something as a challenge, or if there's some sort of reward that I really want/need, I often do very well with it. But once I've gotten good at it, especially if there's no real reward at the end, I tend to get kind of bored. College seems to be a pretty classic example - I bombed out my first semester, then went back and did five more, pulling straight A's for two of them. But now I'm hitting the point where there's really no draw in it for me. It's not much of a challenge, since I know I can do it, and while an English degree would be nice to have, it's not something I really value enough to do the work required for it. I value other things in my life much more - acting, singing, time with Juneau-Brian, time with other friends - and while I enjoy talking about literature and whatnot in class, the time requirement outside of class is really starting to get on my nerves. So maybe I'll just stick with acting and singing and dance classes for next semester - I won't be living in the dorms, so I won't need to be full-time, and I only need six credits to keep my library job. (Or I might - gasp! - find a better paying job.) I may go back to the whole English degree idea, or I may not - it's not like they take your credits away for inactivity, or anything.

On the personal front, life has been going pretty well - I've spent a lot of time with Juneau-Brian, obviously, and we're still happy together. We went to our ballroom dance class on Wednesday and then practice today, and I have to say that it's a helluva nice thing to be dancing with someone who both has a sense of rhythm and actually leads. (Unfortunately, this has caused some difficulties, as when I was dancing with Ryan I was used to leading have the time. I'm working on the whole "following" thing, though.) Ryan had a lot of enthusiasm but was rather lacking in the assertiveness/rhythm categories (not to mention height), so Shane (the teacher) and I were joking about how I'd upgraded for a better model. =)

Speaking of Ryan, I've been getting semi-coherent emails from him asking for explanations as to what went wrong with us so he can find "clossure". The non-logic of that aside (he has to find closure from himself; talking to me isn't going to give it to him), I tried for some time to figure out how I could explain it to him so he would understand. Unfortunately, I came to a bit of a realization - he's not going to understand unless he wants to, and he doesn't want to because that would mean that he'd have to change and grow, and that's something he's simply not willing to do at the moment (which is one of the reasons things didn't work out for us in the first place). So I sent him a very diplomatic email where I tried to put things as plainly and simply as I could; I'm not going to answer any more of them because the only questions he's asked are ones that, if he'd actually processed the messages I've sent him, he'd already know the answers to. I really wish I could help him understand, but the fact is, I can't. So he's pretty much on his own.

*sigh*

There was one line from his last email that really made me laugh, though. I had explained to him that I'm happier now that I'm with someone who's both my intellectual equal and who wants/values the same things I do in life. His response: "I honestly hope that is true and you are happy with him in a year or two...or three. When you are a "Volvo Driving Socer Mom" with kids and a job at a local book store."

To quote Brian O'Blivion: "Uh...yeah. Sure. That's *really* likely to be you."

And to quote Juneau-Brian: "We'll have to invite him to our marble mansion on the hill, won't we?"

I'm really not sure where he came up with that, but...wow. Just wow. We were dating/sleeping together for a whole year and he really knows me that little? I think it's more likely that he's just bitter, but still. Wow.

Well, now that I've put it down for posterity, we can see who's right in a year or two. Or three. ;)

Anyway, I had a couple of other things to talk about, but my screen's suddenly gone kind of wonky. So I think I'm going to post this and restart the computer.

(no subject)

Got my homework done for the weekend, and am finding myself very glad that I only have one actual academic-type class. To tell the truth, I'm starting to lose patience with this whole "college" thing. This is something that I've noticed about myself - if I see something as a challenge, or if there's some sort of reward that I really want/need, I often do very well with it. But once I've gotten good at it, especially if there's no real reward at the end, I tend to get kind of bored. College seems to be a pretty classic example - I bombed out my first semester, then went back and did five more, pulling straight A's for two of them. But now I'm hitting the point where there's really no draw in it for me. It's not much of a challenge, since I know I can do it, and while an English degree would be nice to have, it's not something I really value enough to do the work required for it. I value other things in my life much more - acting, singing, time with Juneau-Brian, time with other friends - and while I enjoy talking about literature and whatnot in class, the time requirement outside of class is really starting to get on my nerves. So maybe I'll just stick with acting and singing and dance classes for next semester - I won't be living in the dorms, so I won't need to be full-time, and I only need six credits to keep my library job. (Or I might - gasp! - find a better paying job.) I may go back to the whole English degree idea, or I may not - it's not like they take your credits away for inactivity, or anything.

On the personal front, life has been going pretty well - I've spent a lot of time with Juneau-Brian, obviously, and we're still happy together. We went to our ballroom dance class on Wednesday and then practice today, and I have to say that it's a helluva nice thing to be dancing with someone who both has a sense of rhythm and actually leads. (Unfortunately, this has caused some difficulties, as when I was dancing with Ryan I was used to leading have the time. I'm working on the whole "following" thing, though.) Ryan had a lot of enthusiasm but was rather lacking in the assertiveness/rhythm categories (not to mention height), so Shane (the teacher) and I were joking about how I'd upgraded for a better model. =)

Speaking of Ryan, I've been getting semi-coherent emails from him asking for explanations as to what went wrong with us so he can find "clossure". The non-logic of that aside (he has to find closure from himself; talking to me isn't going to give it to him), I tried for some time to figure out how I could explain it to him so he would understand. Unfortunately, I came to a bit of a realization - he's not going to understand unless he wants to, and he doesn't want to because that would mean that he'd have to change and grow, and that's something he's simply not willing to do at the moment (which is one of the reasons things didn't work out for us in the first place). So I sent him a very diplomatic email where I tried to put things as plainly and simply as I could; I'm not going to answer any more of them because the only questions he's asked are ones that, if he'd actually processed the messages I've sent him, he'd already know the answers to. I really wish I could help him understand, but the fact is, I can't. So he's pretty much on his own.

*sigh*

There was one line from his last email that really made me laugh, though. I had explained to him that I'm happier now that I'm with someone who's both my intellectual equal and who wants/values the same things I do in life. His response: "I honestly hope that is true and you are happy with him in a year or two...or three. When you are a "Volvo Driving Socer Mom" with kids and a job at a local book store."

To quote Brian O'Blivion: "Uh...yeah. Sure. That's *really* likely to be you."

And to quote Juneau-Brian: "We'll have to invite him to our marble mansion on the hill, won't we?"

I'm really not sure where he came up with that, but...wow. Just wow. We were dating/sleeping together for a whole year and he really knows me that little? I think it's more likely that he's just bitter, but still. Wow.

Well, now that I've put it down for posterity, we can see who's right in a year or two. Or three. ;)

Anyway, I had a couple of other things to talk about, but my screen's suddenly gone kind of wonky. So I think I'm going to post this and restart the computer.