Purity balls: Sweet or creepy?
Jun. 6th, 2007 08:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseI've been reading a both fascinating and horrifying article entitled Contra-Contraception, which traces the upswing in religious conservatism in both regular society and the political arena, and the (oftentimes worrisome) public-health-policy results of misinformation spread by various groups, both religious and non (equating the upswing of birth control usage with the "spread" of abortion? Throwing out scientific evidence of the effectiveness of Plan B because it "might be an abortifacient"? WTF?).
Anyway, most of the issues brought up in the article are ones I've pontificated on at length in the past, so I'm not going to repeat them here. However, I found myself having an oddly strong reaction to the following paragraph:
Besides "Girls Gone Mild," she sponsors "Purity Balls," which fathers attend with their teenage daughters. "We think the relationship between fathers and their daughters is the key," she told me. At the purity ball, a father gives a "purity ring" to his daughter — a symbol of the promise she makes to maintain her virginity for her future husband. Then, during her marriage ceremony, the daughter gives the ring to her new husband. Abstinence Clearinghouse's Web site advertises the purity ball as an event "which celebrates your 'little girl' and her gift of sexual purity."
I realize I might be coming at this from a somewhat skewed perspective, given my relationship (or lack thereof) with my father, but this strikes me as just plain creepy. Not in the Electra-complex-daughter-lusting-after-father kind of way, although the overtones are certainly there, but in how the symbolism of "purity rings" seems a direct evolution of the idea that daughters are the property of their fathers until married.
But let me backpedal a bit. My father, as I've mentioned here before, had a lot of maturity issues while I was growing up. By the time I hit teenagerhood and started exploring my sexuality, my mother had already divorced him, but I was still required to spend weekends (and in one case a whole summer, which ended up being slightly less than a month because my mother could see how badly I was doing) with him. And the fact was, he couldn't deal with the concept of me as a fully-formed, sexually aware adult - or even sexually-explorative teenager - which resulted in his treating me like a child and trying all sorts of emotionally manipulative BS to make me act like a child again (which, unfortunately, often worked).
Admittedly, some of this had to do with his own personal issues, but I've heard from many folks in the same boat that it's not easy for a father to come to terms with his daughter's sexuality. Given that it was only fairly recently in our culture (historically speaking) that women haven't been considered property, this is perhaps understandable; but if women are ever going to achieve equal status, we have to leave this mindset behind.
Given all this, I feel at least partially justified in being creeped out by "purity balls", especially given the quoted description. A teenage daughter is no longer a "little girl", and her "gift of sexual purity", especially if she is of age, is none of her father's damn business. He does not have the right to keep her sexuality under lock and key, through physical means or through emotional manipulation; and she is certainly not his property until she marries. She belongs to herself, and herself only. If she has a good relationship with her father and he is able to pass on his value system to her, which she then chooses to follow of her own will, that's fine. But using a marriage-like ceremony to 'cement' her promise to him just smacks far, far too much of "you're my daughter and my property until I choose to relinquish you to another man who will keep you under control".
I realize, however, with my history and relationship with my father, I'm probably not the best person to judge. So I'm curious - does anyone else find this a little creepy? Or am I just overreacting based on my own emotional history?
Anyway, most of the issues brought up in the article are ones I've pontificated on at length in the past, so I'm not going to repeat them here. However, I found myself having an oddly strong reaction to the following paragraph:
Besides "Girls Gone Mild," she sponsors "Purity Balls," which fathers attend with their teenage daughters. "We think the relationship between fathers and their daughters is the key," she told me. At the purity ball, a father gives a "purity ring" to his daughter — a symbol of the promise she makes to maintain her virginity for her future husband. Then, during her marriage ceremony, the daughter gives the ring to her new husband. Abstinence Clearinghouse's Web site advertises the purity ball as an event "which celebrates your 'little girl' and her gift of sexual purity."
I realize I might be coming at this from a somewhat skewed perspective, given my relationship (or lack thereof) with my father, but this strikes me as just plain creepy. Not in the Electra-complex-daughter-lusting-after-father kind of way, although the overtones are certainly there, but in how the symbolism of "purity rings" seems a direct evolution of the idea that daughters are the property of their fathers until married.
But let me backpedal a bit. My father, as I've mentioned here before, had a lot of maturity issues while I was growing up. By the time I hit teenagerhood and started exploring my sexuality, my mother had already divorced him, but I was still required to spend weekends (and in one case a whole summer, which ended up being slightly less than a month because my mother could see how badly I was doing) with him. And the fact was, he couldn't deal with the concept of me as a fully-formed, sexually aware adult - or even sexually-explorative teenager - which resulted in his treating me like a child and trying all sorts of emotionally manipulative BS to make me act like a child again (which, unfortunately, often worked).
Admittedly, some of this had to do with his own personal issues, but I've heard from many folks in the same boat that it's not easy for a father to come to terms with his daughter's sexuality. Given that it was only fairly recently in our culture (historically speaking) that women haven't been considered property, this is perhaps understandable; but if women are ever going to achieve equal status, we have to leave this mindset behind.
Given all this, I feel at least partially justified in being creeped out by "purity balls", especially given the quoted description. A teenage daughter is no longer a "little girl", and her "gift of sexual purity", especially if she is of age, is none of her father's damn business. He does not have the right to keep her sexuality under lock and key, through physical means or through emotional manipulation; and she is certainly not his property until she marries. She belongs to herself, and herself only. If she has a good relationship with her father and he is able to pass on his value system to her, which she then chooses to follow of her own will, that's fine. But using a marriage-like ceremony to 'cement' her promise to him just smacks far, far too much of "you're my daughter and my property until I choose to relinquish you to another man who will keep you under control".
I realize, however, with my history and relationship with my father, I'm probably not the best person to judge. So I'm curious - does anyone else find this a little creepy? Or am I just overreacting based on my own emotional history?
