missroserose | And now, a complete break from sanity...

You know that either (a) your life is boring and (b) you've been reading too much bad fanfiction when you start taking common slash-fic clichés and mentally applying them to characters in your life. Except that there are so many - the pairing of two characters who would never even consider getting together, the utter transformation of one or both of their physical attributes and/or clothing habits, the overwrought and overdone romance-novel descriptions, the reinterpretation of some canon event as leading to this illicit romance, the badly-disguised sexual innuendoes...

Ryan knocked on the door, feeling apprehensive for no reason that he could think of; after all, he had been to Ian's apartment many times before while Rose was living there, and now that Rose was living with him and not here to cause tension between him and her ex-boyfriend, things should go much more smoothly. Yet still his heart was beating much more quickly than usual.

Although Ryan couldn't know it, when Ian heard the knock at the door, his heart jumped several notches as well. Ian told himself that it was over between him and Rose, and besides, she wouldn't be with Ryan today, causing the surges of jealousy and bitterness that threatened to overwhelm his logical, rational exterior. Forcing himself to calm down, he opened the door.

Ryan's eyes widened in surprise as he looked at the taller man. Ian had undergone a complete transformation. The normal baggy khakis and polo shirts were replaced with tight leather pants and a t-shirt that did nothing to hide his rippling muscles; a small jewel glittered in his left ear, and his facial hair was gone, lending his face a new innocence that was just begging to be corrupted.

Ian suddenly realized that the surges of jealousy he had been experiencing over the past few months hadn't had to do with Rose at all - it was she, after all, that he had been jealous of; she and her damned luck with men. She had snatched up the one man that he wanted, but he had denied this to himself just as he had denied his love for men for so long, and convinced himself that it was Ryan who had stolen Rose from him, and not the other way around. But now, faced with the charming young rogue whose flowing blonde hair and widely innocent blue eyes had stolen his heart all those months ago, without the presence of the third person to focus his feelings on, his passion overwhelmed him. He grabbed Ryan, slammed him up against the wall and kissed him full on the mouth with every inch of his throbbing passion....

Damn. I can't even read this with a straight face. *laughs*

Message to all the wannabe slash authors out there - IF YOU CAN'T KEEP THE PEOPLE IN CHARACTER, DON'T WRITE THE BLOODY STORY.

@->--Rose

Ian and Ryan, while possessed of the same names as actual people in my life, are in this case completely fictional as neither one of them would ever act that way in real life. Well, one of them wouldn't, anyway. If either of these men ever read this, I hope that they will take this as the joke that it is meant to be and not hurt me. Please.