Yeah, I think you're onto something there. I suspect culture plays a role as well; some cultures even just here in the US are much more likely to be avoidant than others. Pacific Northwesterners have a reputation as being flaky that (in my experience) comes from a distinct people-pleasing streak, where it's much ruder to say no outright than it is to make vague assuring noises and then just never show. Whereas East Coasters are often thought to be pushy and rude, but (in my experience) tend to simply be more direct and defined in their boundaries. ("I need to know if you can make it so I can tell the caterer how many to prepare for", etc.)
I note that toxic people in many ways take advantage of our dislike of saying no. Obviously you can guard against that by being clear and strong in your own boundaries, but that unfortunately only leads to them finding the person who's *not* comfortable saying no, and preying on them. I know boundaries are a tricky subject, what with malleability and the complexity of sussing out where they are in the first place, but I still wish we had more cultural emphasis on their importance.
Hooray! Well, not hooray for the circumstances, but hooray, I'm happy that you're here. :) It feels like there are so few situations where refugees find a welcoming place with very similar expectations and mores to their homeland, haha.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2017-04-11 02:43 pm (UTC)I note that toxic people in many ways take advantage of our dislike of saying no. Obviously you can guard against that by being clear and strong in your own boundaries, but that unfortunately only leads to them finding the person who's *not* comfortable saying no, and preying on them. I know boundaries are a tricky subject, what with malleability and the complexity of sussing out where they are in the first place, but I still wish we had more cultural emphasis on their importance.
Hooray! Well, not hooray for the circumstances, but hooray, I'm happy that you're here. :) It feels like there are so few situations where refugees find a welcoming place with very similar expectations and mores to their homeland, haha.