Poetry

[missroserose]

I was having a discussion with someone a while back on poetry, and how a lot of patterned poetry (and sometimes even free verse) has a lot of lines that are simply filler in order to make the poem fit the pattern or a certain length or whatever. For some reason, I decided to see if I could write a poem with some sort of pattern to it where every line has meaning. This is basically what came out of it. I'm not sure yet how much I like the poem, but considering that it's one of the few projects I've both spent a decent amount of time on and actually finished, I figure I might as well see what others think. If anyone cares to comment, anyway.

I don't think the meaning in every line will be apparent to everyone, but those whom it's about should understand it, I hope. You know who you are.



Three Nights

A white robe shyly slipping to the floor
Shed from one's body to another's arms
A hand caressed, a passion found, a night shared
The coyote howls his bewilderment at the moon.

A drop of blood slowly spreading on the tongue
Shared from one's veins to another's throat
A secret kept, a bond forged, a promise made
The lynx slinks quietly away in the shadows.

A shining jewel softly sparkling in the air
Sprung from one's warmth sent to another's heart
A night shared, a promise made, a love begotten
Two terns soar away together over the ocean.

Comments

[errant-variable.livejournal.com]

When you take your heart and put it out on display like that, it makes those who have connections to said heart very aware of how hard they link in... and you just twisted mine. Beautiful writing, but you arent able to force yourself back into the mold perfectly - where's the cheesy rhyme?

Red copper liquid spread upon my lips
its richness swelling with your hips
Your eyes as misty as night air
Come with me, our love repair...

There. See what happens when you start forcing me to respond to emotions. :) Its all your fault.

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

C- on the poem. Sorry. I've never been one for cheesy rhyme. =D

Thank you for your reaction to the poem, though I didn't realize you were that intimately involved with it...I guess tangentially you are, though. And with heart connections, that's often painful enough...

@->--Rose

[errant-variable.livejournal.com]

Hehe. Yeah, c- = subtract the cheese, you told me. That was supposed to be nearly unbearable. :)

Intimate involvement discussion in progress elsewhere. :)

The comments...

[eventhewaves.livejournal.com]

... just a few hours later than promised. =) (What can I say? Malaise and exhaustion put together are an exceedingly demoralizing combination.)

This is a poem that's good the way (say) "Mulholland Drive" is good: affecting to everybody, even if the meaning of every single line isn't quite apparent to those of us lurking on the outside. The animal imagery works damned well -- both at bringing the more primal aspect of the situations described to light, and at exposing the darker, fiercer underbelly of the positive aspects.

I've also got my suspicions about what the full meaning of this is, but -- you know me. More the kind of thing I'm going to say in private conversations, since -- y'know -- this is more of a private poem, even if you've got it out in public. (Or something to that end.) =)