Adventures with spyware...
May. 13th, 2004 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missroseroseRandom chat person: I JUST MOVED TO NY AND I'M BORED! CUM SEE MY NEW SITE!!
Me: I'm bored, and I've got a pop-up blocker. *clicks the link, just to see if it's an actual site*
Website: FREE PORN IN UR EMAIL! SIGN UP HERE!
Me: *enters in unused address to see how much spam it gets overnight*
Website: You may have foiled us with your pop-up blocker, but it is I who shall have the last word. Mwahahahahaaa!
Me: ...crap. That doesn't sound good.
Later that night...
Me: Hm, let's see if there's any new bids for that corset. *opens browser*
Spyware: WELCOME TO CUM4FREE.COM, THE BEST AMATEUR SITES ON THE WEB!
Me: Okay, score one for you, spyware. *resets browser homepage* Now, back to business...*opens Favorites List*
Spyware: You have three new folders in your Favorites List, all of which contain myriad porn sites.
Me: ...that's two points in five seconds. This is starting to worry me.
Spyware: Oh, did you realize your clock might be out of sync! Download this software!
Me: No thanks. *closes dialog* Why didn't you get that, Pop-Up Stopper?
Pop-up Stopper: Hey, I'm just a free download you filched off a friend's website. I'm no superhero!
Me: Oh, right. I guess it's time to call in...
Dun dun dah DAAANNNN...
AD AWARE!
Spyware: Mwahahahaa! Nothing can stop us now!
Me: Oh just you watch. *clicks on autoupdate*
Me: *waits for new reference file to download*
Me: *and waits*
Me: *and waits*
Me: *starts to feel like a Polish refugee in Casablanca during WWII*
Me: Damn, I hate this 14.4 connection.
Ad Aware: Congratulations, your new reference file is downloaded! Shall we kick some spyware arse?
Me: Yeah. Full-depth scan, please. *hits start button*
Spyware: Wait wait wait! We've got something you want!
Me: You've got three minutes, pal.
Spyware: *digs frantically through suitcase* Low-cost Viagra?
Me: Strike one.
Spyware: Free hot horny babes in your email?
Me: Only if they come with instructions for turning them into an army to take over the world. Strike two.
Spyware: *sweat rolling down forehead* Uh...penis enlargement pills?
Me: I don't have a penis. Bite me.
Ad-Aware: You have 198 new items. Would you like me to quarantine them?
Spyware: C'mon, c'mon, I know there's something you want! Don't hit that delete button! We'll work something out!
Me: You are so my bitch. *hits delete*
Spyware: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! *curls up into a little ball that bursts with a sound like a zit popping*
Me: ...God, I love that feeling.
EDIT: Upon re-reading this, I find myself thinking this would be more amusing if it were being acted out by puppets. Anyone up for doing a show? =)
Me: I'm bored, and I've got a pop-up blocker. *clicks the link, just to see if it's an actual site*
Website: FREE PORN IN UR EMAIL! SIGN UP HERE!
Me: *enters in unused address to see how much spam it gets overnight*
Website: You may have foiled us with your pop-up blocker, but it is I who shall have the last word. Mwahahahahaaa!
Me: ...crap. That doesn't sound good.
Later that night...
Me: Hm, let's see if there's any new bids for that corset. *opens browser*
Spyware: WELCOME TO CUM4FREE.COM, THE BEST AMATEUR SITES ON THE WEB!
Me: Okay, score one for you, spyware. *resets browser homepage* Now, back to business...*opens Favorites List*
Spyware: You have three new folders in your Favorites List, all of which contain myriad porn sites.
Me: ...that's two points in five seconds. This is starting to worry me.
Spyware: Oh, did you realize your clock might be out of sync! Download this software!
Me: No thanks. *closes dialog* Why didn't you get that, Pop-Up Stopper?
Pop-up Stopper: Hey, I'm just a free download you filched off a friend's website. I'm no superhero!
Me: Oh, right. I guess it's time to call in...
Dun dun dah DAAANNNN...
AD AWARE!
Spyware: Mwahahahaa! Nothing can stop us now!
Me: Oh just you watch. *clicks on autoupdate*
Me: *waits for new reference file to download*
Me: *and waits*
Me: *and waits*
Me: *starts to feel like a Polish refugee in Casablanca during WWII*
Me: Damn, I hate this 14.4 connection.
Ad Aware: Congratulations, your new reference file is downloaded! Shall we kick some spyware arse?
Me: Yeah. Full-depth scan, please. *hits start button*
Spyware: Wait wait wait! We've got something you want!
Me: You've got three minutes, pal.
Spyware: *digs frantically through suitcase* Low-cost Viagra?
Me: Strike one.
Spyware: Free hot horny babes in your email?
Me: Only if they come with instructions for turning them into an army to take over the world. Strike two.
Spyware: *sweat rolling down forehead* Uh...penis enlargement pills?
Me: I don't have a penis. Bite me.
Ad-Aware: You have 198 new items. Would you like me to quarantine them?
Spyware: C'mon, c'mon, I know there's something you want! Don't hit that delete button! We'll work something out!
Me: You are so my bitch. *hits delete*
Spyware: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! *curls up into a little ball that bursts with a sound like a zit popping*
Me: ...God, I love that feeling.
EDIT: Upon re-reading this, I find myself thinking this would be more amusing if it were being acted out by puppets. Anyone up for doing a show? =)
