Ambrosia (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
missroserose) wrote2020-05-19 02:36 pm
missroserose) wrote2020-05-19 02:36 pm
Entry tags:
Conspicuous consumption
On Facebook yesterday, I encountered the term "functional depression". I almost had to laugh, because it felt so perfect as a descriptor of where I've been these past several weeks—and so perfectly obvious. I kept wondering if I was depressed, but none of the usual indicators were there—I've been meal planning and grocery shopping and eating well and even cooking a bunch, I've been keeping up on exercise, I've been in at least some social contact (inasmuch as any of us are), I've even been keeping up my daily journaling. But other than the basics, I honestly haven't been doing much at all. I've done almost nothing creative; the planner supplies I bought have been sitting unused (and unorganized), I haven't picked up my guitar or opened Scrivener in weeks. It occurred to me during yesterday's journaling that I've been pretty disconnected emotionally, which fits the "depression" part; it's hard to motivate myself to do something when I can't get excited about it.
Given my particular weird combination of additional disposable income (woo unemployment!) and abundantly available time (woo, unemployment...), I've been spending a good chunk of it clothes shopping. StitchFix started a service where they suggest outfits that go with pieces you've already bought, and allow you to purchase the items individually (as opposed to their previous model which was solely based on what their stylist sent you). Since I like clothing but often have trouble visualizing whole outfits, this has been super helpful and a pleasant creative outlet—and, as a logical follow-on, I now own more shoes now than I think I have at any other time in my life. (And I'm learning all over again the dangers of buying shoes that are adorable but clearly not meant for two-mile walks around the neighborhood. So many blisters. Ow.)
I'm not blind to the irony of spending all this time and money on clothing when I barely leave the house, but I've noticed that it cheers me up to dress nicely, even if it's just to hang out on the back porch in the hammock, or for walking around. And sooner or later we'll all be out in the world again, and won't it be nice to have pretty new clothes when I do. Or at least, that's what I tell myself.
The other thing I've been spending my time on is a farming game called Stardew Valley. I used to laugh a little at people who played farming simulators—not in a condescending way, exactly, but more in a "how do you find the time?" kind of way. But, well, I have a lot of time right now, and having a framework of small but varied tasks that add up to measurable and (in-game, anyway) meaningful rewards is extremely attractive. I'm especially impressed by the social aspect; the other characters are based on stock types but often have surprisingly deep and meaningful backstories, which makes your efforts to unlock them feel particularly rewarding. And it's also been a way to keep in touch with people outside the house, since the multiplayer is cooperative and surprisingly smooth.
Still, I'm working on broadening my range of activities somewhat—not in the least because, after some pretty dramatic rain on Sunday, I've had some urgent condo board business to attend to. Last night I made a list of the many tasks (condo-related as well as personal and housework-related) I've been putting off; today I made a sizable dent in it, including making a call to AT&T I'd been putting off (in my defense, it was the fourth call in two months about the same issue—luckily it seems to finally be resolved! Fingers crossed, anyway). I also finished a playlist for a Sculpt class that I'd been working on but had left in limbo after I stopped teaching Sculpt. I'm out of practice but I genuinely miss teaching; I'm thinking for a workout tonight I'll practice teaching to it and see how much I remember. Probably some of my yoga teacher friends would be willing to take a Zoom class from me and give me feedback. We'll see.
One step at a time.
Given my particular weird combination of additional disposable income (woo unemployment!) and abundantly available time (woo, unemployment...), I've been spending a good chunk of it clothes shopping. StitchFix started a service where they suggest outfits that go with pieces you've already bought, and allow you to purchase the items individually (as opposed to their previous model which was solely based on what their stylist sent you). Since I like clothing but often have trouble visualizing whole outfits, this has been super helpful and a pleasant creative outlet—and, as a logical follow-on, I now own more shoes now than I think I have at any other time in my life. (And I'm learning all over again the dangers of buying shoes that are adorable but clearly not meant for two-mile walks around the neighborhood. So many blisters. Ow.)
I'm not blind to the irony of spending all this time and money on clothing when I barely leave the house, but I've noticed that it cheers me up to dress nicely, even if it's just to hang out on the back porch in the hammock, or for walking around. And sooner or later we'll all be out in the world again, and won't it be nice to have pretty new clothes when I do. Or at least, that's what I tell myself.
The other thing I've been spending my time on is a farming game called Stardew Valley. I used to laugh a little at people who played farming simulators—not in a condescending way, exactly, but more in a "how do you find the time?" kind of way. But, well, I have a lot of time right now, and having a framework of small but varied tasks that add up to measurable and (in-game, anyway) meaningful rewards is extremely attractive. I'm especially impressed by the social aspect; the other characters are based on stock types but often have surprisingly deep and meaningful backstories, which makes your efforts to unlock them feel particularly rewarding. And it's also been a way to keep in touch with people outside the house, since the multiplayer is cooperative and surprisingly smooth.
Still, I'm working on broadening my range of activities somewhat—not in the least because, after some pretty dramatic rain on Sunday, I've had some urgent condo board business to attend to. Last night I made a list of the many tasks (condo-related as well as personal and housework-related) I've been putting off; today I made a sizable dent in it, including making a call to AT&T I'd been putting off (in my defense, it was the fourth call in two months about the same issue—luckily it seems to finally be resolved! Fingers crossed, anyway). I also finished a playlist for a Sculpt class that I'd been working on but had left in limbo after I stopped teaching Sculpt. I'm out of practice but I genuinely miss teaching; I'm thinking for a workout tonight I'll practice teaching to it and see how much I remember. Probably some of my yoga teacher friends would be willing to take a Zoom class from me and give me feedback. We'll see.
One step at a time.
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I'm running a D&D game, which forces me to be creative on a regular basis, and that's hard and rewarding. Three players don't live in our house but lost their internet during the last big tornado; luckily we had an apartment downstairs where we could socially distance and still game.
I leave the house to go care for possums, but that's it. John has taken over grocery duties, which has at least reduced my short term stress plus it gets him out of the house once in a while and those are both good.
I've talked about my depression enough online that I don't want to again, but it's really hard to stay functional. I've also leaned on video games to provide that "I accomplished something tangible" bump. Guild Wars rangers get pets, and I've been collecting them as well as visiting all the vistas and special places in each kingdom.
This is all about me, but it reminds me of where we overlap, and that's valuable.
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In sheer spending amount I might end up doing way more. Maybe $100k more. :) The apartment below mine is probably coming up for sale and I may buy, making me the sole freeholder for the building. I'd also be able to grant myself free lease extensions on both, from the current 65 or so years to whatever I want. The place needs a lot of work but I can handle paying for that. I'll live in one, the other for letting.
One nice thing is that I paid attention to my own investment guidance for others and already had enough uninvested cash around to buy without initially using a mortgage, then refurbish and mortgage for more. No need for me to sell any investments during a bad selling time.
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Congrats on your successful real estate ventures, and here's hoping landlording treats you well.
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Keep hanging in there...
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In truth, I feel a little bad for the people I primarily communicate with over here. Most of my happier/more creative posts these days are over on Tumblr, when I post at all; I feel like Dreamwidth just gets the bulk of my "things suck" posts.
I promise I'm not always depressed and unmotivated :)
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