"Gender reveal party"? Huh?

[missroserose]

So apparently there's a trend out there* for "gender reveal parties". The idea being, when you go in for your ultrasound, you have the tech write the sex of the fetus on a card that goes in an envelope, and use said card (and the assistance of some poor harried retail worker) to blind-purchase and wrap up a pink or blue onesie/a box of pink or blue balloons/a cake with pink or blue frosting inside which you then open at a party in front of your guests. After, of course, playing goofy party games and having them vote for their 'preferred' gender.

I'm...honestly kind of dumbfounded at this. I mean, I guess I can see how it could be fun, but it just feels tacky to me. Thing is, this is a pretty unusual reaction for me - I'm not generally one to diss on other people's reasons for celebrating (usually whatever makes people happy is okay by me). So I'm trying to figure out why it is the idea grates on me so badly.

Some of it might be that "gender-reveal" is an inherent misnomer. "Gender" refers to how the person thinks of themselves, and the ensuing cultural implications (wearing dresses or makeup regularly, or which restroom they use, or whether they get married in a suit or a gown), whereas "sex" is the term for which set of chromosomes (and, usually, genitalia) you're born with. (I guess people thought "sex-reveal party" would give folks the wrong idea?) Obviously, someone's gender doesn't always match their biological sex, and ultimately they're going to need to figure that out for themselves.

But actually, that may be exactly the issue. Pretensions aside, this party idea isn't about the child, it's about the parents. And while I suppose that's logical enough (the kid hasn't even been born yet, much less achieved any kind of sentience), and while I'm certainly not one to propagate the idea that once the kids arrive the parents don't get to have their own lives anymore...reducing your child, even your child-in-potentia, to a card in an envelope, just for the purposes of a party trick? That feels pretty damn shallow. That child, if you're lucky, is going to grow into a whole person - not just a gender, and perhaps not even the gender you ascribe to them at birth. Admittedly, they're not a person now, and certainly won't be a fully-formed one for a good while, but they still will be far more - and hopefully, far more interesting - than whatever variant of genitalia they'll be keeping in their undergarments. Starting off your participation in their life with a whole party based around what's arguably the least interesting thing about them just feels...disrespectful of their (potential) person-hood.

What do you all think of the idea? Tacky or charming, or both? Why?


*According to Dear Prudence and Google, anyway. Thankfully, none of my friends have invited me to anything like this. Although, as one trend-column suggested, this may just mean that I have no friends.

Comments

[cyrano]

I suppose now would be a poor time to mention that I'm having a gender reveal party next week. I had a technician check which one I am, and I haven't opened the envelope yet.

Yeah, it's tacky, but I think it's a symptom rather than the cause.

Gender Reveal

[faith_in_the_journey]

Rose, I totally agree with you! My generation of men and women had to struggle so hard to accept women in the workplace and in politics as equals. Your generation has had to deal with civil and human rights for those of different sexual orientation. To have the sex of the child revealed in an Oscar style envelope is demeaning and objectifying in the extreme!

When you were in gestation ultrasound was a brand new technology and we expressly told the technician and the doctor that we did not wish to know your sex before you were born. Same with your brother (although we found out at the hospital a few hours before he was born as he was a C-section baby and it was, by then, quite obvious on the image used to make the final decision to proceed with surgery.

The mystery of gestation and birth, the bonding with your child before they are born are far too intimate and sacred to be reduced to a pink or blue onesie and a cake with purple frosting. I also have to say that both you and your brother were fully formed personalities way before you were born and figured out how to operate in incarnate form. That was really quite the most wonderful part about waiting for you to be born - getting to know you and love you so tremendously way before you arrived in that tiny body! We are far more than the body, that's for sure! - Your Mum who loved you well before day one